Kate
by L'Angel
Summary: A new Animorph joins the group.
1. Part One: The Joining

**_Kate_**

**Chapter One -- Kate**

My name is Kate. You probably don't know my name, but you might recognize the names of my friends - Jake, Marco, Ax, Tobias, Cassie, and Rachel. And you know the drill - no last names, can't tell you where we live. If you're reading this, you probably know the whole Yeerk invasion thing, so I won't bore you with a recap of all that stuff. 

I was completely normal for the first thirteen years of my life. I got good grades, I played sports, my mom was a legal secretary, my dad was a veterinarian, and I was an only child, so I guess I was probably kinda spoiled. Then, when I was thirteen, I was diagnosed with cancer - leukemia. I finally went into remission after six horrendous months of chemotherapy and radiation that made my waist length brown hair fall out and took thirty pounds off my formerly athletic frame. Another result of my cancer was that my parents went from we-live-in-a-big-city-so-you-have-to-be-careful overprotective to you-might-drop-dead-any-minute overprotective. Which was ridiculous. But they couldn't be convinced that it was safe for me to do anything by myself, and they began to think that the pollution in the city would kill me. So about two months after I got out of the hospital, we moved to a new town. I really didn't have a problem with this, except for the irrational reasons behind the decision, because my friends had started acting weird after I got sick. Even my best friend, Jessie, acted like I had the plague or something. So I wasn't as against leaving as I appeared to be. 

The new town was about three hundred miles from the city where I had lived. It was much smaller, with, as my mother repeatedly pointed out, much cleaner air. It also had one of the best cancer centers in the country, a fact that my parents didn't point out, but which I knew was in the back of their minds. For some reason, my parents bought a farmhouse about a mile from the suburbs of town, bordering the edge of a national forest. It's actually a very cool house, old with big rooms and sloped ceilings, but it's a big change from the apartment I've lived in all my life. There's a field in the back that used to be used as a pasture, but my parents vetoed the idea of a horse, suggesting I look into getting a cat instead. 

The first day we arrived, a group of kids about my age wandered down from the next house. There were four of them - a big brown haired boy, a tall blond girl, a short Latino boy, and a very short African-American girl. 

"Hi!" called the short girl. "I live in the house over there." She pointed to the farmhouse on the right. It appeared to be a working farm. I'd spied three horses there when I was out wandering in the field. "I'm Cassie," she added. 

"I'm Jake," the tall boy said. 

"And I'm his cousin, Rachel," said the tall girl. She was very pretty, with long blond hair. I watched her jealously. I had looked like that eight months ago, only a little darker. Now I was skin and bones. 

"And I, the cute, smart, funny one in our group, am Marco," chimed in the short Latino kid. He had laughing, mocking eyes. 

"Hi. I'm Kate," I answered. I self-consciously touched my very short hair. In two months it had grown to just over the tops of my ears. It didn't look bad, but I missed the feeling of it swishing on my back. 

"So, where are you from?" asked Rachel. 

"Big city," I answered. Not really, but I can't tell you where I'm from. It'd be bad for security. I walked down the driveway until I was standing with them. 

"Ah, you're a city girl, huh? Well, you'll be bored here," Marco laughed. "No excitement whatsoever." He grinned at Jake as he said that and Jake smiled faintly. I noticed that Jake had a serious look, sort of an aura, about him, as if life had handed him a burden. I probably seem the same way, since I was diagnosed. 

"Maybe," I replied evasively. "What's there to do?" 

"The mall's always good. Do you like to shop?" asked Rachel, smiling. 

"Rachel, Rachel, Rachel. Is that all you ever think about?" Cassie asked, shaking her head. 

I smiled. "Sometimes," I said, answering Rachel's question. 

"Great. What else do you like?" Rachel asked. 

"Um, sports. And I used to help my dad out in his office." 

"What's he do?" asked Jake. 

"He's a veterinarian," I replied. 

"Oh!" Cassie cried. "He must be the new guy at the Gardens. My mom's head vet there. Hey, my dad runs the Wildlife Rehabilitation Clinic out of our barn. If you ever want to help out, I'm sure you'd be welcome." 

"Thanks, that might be fun. Yeah, I think my dad mentioned the Gardens. What is that?" 

"It's sort of a zoo and an amusement park rolled into one," Marco said. 

"Well," said Cassie, checking her watch, "I have to go. It was nice to meet you, Kate." 

"Nice to meet you, too," I answered. They left and I watched them walk off. Maybe this town would be okay. 

**Chapter Two -- Kate**

My first day of school was a Friday. Why my parents even bothered sending me, I don't know, but they did. I got through the morning without much trouble. I was happy to see that I had history with Rachel, English and PE with Cassie, and Spanish with Jake. Thanks to them, I didn't get too lost. At lunch time, I wandered aimlessly through the cafeteria with my tray of unidentifiable slop, looking for a place to sit. 

"Kate! Hey, Kate! Yo, Katy!" I spun around, looking for the guy yelling my name. "Over here!" I finally spied Marco sitting with Jake. Marco was standing up, grinning, and waving frantically at me. I smiled wanly, embarrassed, but went over anyway. 

"So how's your first day been?" asked Jake. 

"Fine. Um, is there, like, a menu or something that helps you identify this stuff?" I poked at the gray gook on my plate. It was noodles and a sauce with chunks of something in it. There might have been meat, but I wasn't sure. A few stray pieces of cheese decorated the top. I was used to hospital food, but this was much worse. 

"This is . . ." Jake stood up to read the menu posted behind the lunch counter. "This is chicken divan." 

"No, it's not," Marco joked. "It's those gym socks I lost last month. They figured we wouldn't notice the difference." 

"Okaaaaay." I had lost my appetite. Jake and Marco didn't seem to be fazed by the fact that they couldn't identify their lunches without consulting the board above the counter. For awhile I just watched them eat. 

When he was done, Marco looked at me and asked, "A bunch of us are going to the mall tonight to see that new horror movie. You wanna come?" 

I did (I love horror movies) - but I had my first appointment with my new doctor (my oncologist - cancer doctor) that afternoon. I was going to have a spinal tap (which gives me an awful headache) and chemo (which makes me throw up), so there was no way I was going to be in any shape to go to the arcade. 

"Thanks, but I can't. I have an appointment. Maybe some other time, though," I answered. 

"Okay, sure." Just then the bell rang. "What's your next class?" 

I consulted the little card that had all my classes on it. "Bio, room 304. Then I have algebra in 211." 

"Hey, we have biology class together. I'll walk you. And algebra's the advanced math class, right?" I nodded. "Rachel has that. Bye, Jake." Marco called over his shoulder. 

"Seven o'clock, remember," Jake reminded Marco as we separated. 

That night, as I lay in bed trying not to throw up, the phone rang. My mom answered it in the hallway outside my door, so I listened in. "Hello?" . . . "Your name is Rachel?" . . . "I'm sorry, but Kate can't come to the phone. She had chemo this afternoon and . ." . . . "Didn't she tell you? She has leukemia. She's in remission, but she still has to have chemo once a month. It makes her sick." . . . . "Yes, I'll tell her. She usually feels fine the next day." . . . "All right, 'bye." 

I was mortified! I couldn't believe it. 

My mom knocked on my door. "Katy?" she said, sticking her head in. I rolled over. 

"I can't believe you told her," I said hoarsely. 

My mom looked surprised. "She wanted to know if you could go shopping tonight. What was I supposed to do, lie?" 

"Yes! Mom, my friends in the city treated me like a vial full of Ebola after I was diagnosed. I had a chance to start over here, to not be known as 'the girl with cancer.'" 

"Katy, she just sounded concerned. She said to tell you that she'll call you tomorrow and she hopes you feel better." 

I sighed. "It'll be all over school by Monday." 

"I wouldn't be too worried. This Rachel sounded very trustworthy. Oh, by the way. A woman from this group called the Sharing called me today and asked us to come to one of their meetings. She said that it's kind of like a boy-scout troop, only coed, and they have adult members as well as kids. They like to invite new people in town to stuff, and they're having a cookout and bonfire on the beach tomorrow. It would be a great way to meet new people." 

"It sounds dumb," I answered shortly. 

"Give it a try. You might have fun." She left then, and I rolled back over. Eventually, I fell asleep. 

**Chapter Three -- Kate**

The next day I called Rachel, nervously wondering how she would act. "Hi, is Rachel there?" I asked after her little sister answered. 

"Yep," she answered. "RA-CHEL!!!" she hollered. 

"Hello?" Rachel said a few seconds later. "Hi, Rachel, it's Kate." 

"Oh, hi, Kate. How are you feeling?" 

"Much better. I usually feel fine the next day." 

"Yeah, that's what your mom said. Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to go to the mall today. I'm dragging Cassie out shopping, and it usually takes two people to get her to shop anything more than K-Mart." 

She sounded normal! I laughed a little. "That'd be great." 

"Cool. So, how about noon? We can eat lunch at the mall." 

"Okay," I agreed. 

A few hours later, I was eating lunch with Cassie and Rachel in the crowded, noisy food court. I was digging into a salad when something suddenly occurred to me. "Have you guys ever heard of a group called the Sharing?" I asked, spearing a tomato with my plastic fork. "My mom's making me go to some cookout on the beach with them tonight." 

"The Sharing?" Cassie repeated. She shot a look at Rachel that I couldn't read. "Yeah, we've heard of it." 

"Are you members?" I asked. 

"No, no. We're not," Rachel answered quickly. "And . . . I don't recommend it for you either. It's not your thing." 

"It's not? My mom said that it sounded like fun." 

"It's not," Cassie answered sharply. 

"Okay." I was surprised that their reaction was so strong. "Well, I don't think I can get out of this thing tonight." 

They just nodded. 

I got home about six, with a new shirt and a new pair of pants. My parents loaded me into the car and we drove to the beach. When we got there, a group of people was playing volleyball and another group was playing Ultimate Frisbee. It was March and too cold for swimming, but the Sharing seemed to have plenty of other stuff going. 

Two hours later, I was wondering why Cassie and Rachel had been so against this group. I had met a bunch of new people, all super nice, and was really having fun. Suddenly a dog started barking down the beach - really barking, like it was in trouble. No one seemed to notice except me, so I started jogging down the beach toward the sand dunes where the noise was coming from. As I approached, I could see another fire, but it was so dark by that time that I didn't see anything else until I was about twenty feet away. What I saw then made me stop short and want to scream. 

There was a bear. A huge, brown grizzly-bear. It was mauling some monster with blades all over the place, just completely ripping its throat out. And it was about ten feet from me. 

And that wasn't the half of it. There was a gorilla, swinging another one of those monsters around like it was a doll being swung by its hair. A wolf, bleeding from a wound on its back, was baring its teeth and crouching, getting ready to spring at another bladed monster. And finally, there was a blue creature, definitely not from this planet. It was sort of like a centaur, with a weak upper body, two arms, four hoofed legs, and two eyes mounted on stalks - plus two eyes in its mouthless face. And he was striking, again and again, with his tail, which was long and tipped with a very, very, very sharp blade. Humans were running around frantically, trying to avoid getting in the middle of the fight. 

And oh, yeah - there was the dog I'd heard. I saw it in the shadows about four feet to my right. It looked like it was trying to hide, and I was just about to join it, when I saw something else that made me want to scream. 

The dog was becoming human. 

As I watched, human hands emerged from the dog's paws, and the tail slurped up into the spine. A face emerged from the dog's snout. 

Jake's face. 

I gasped. Suddenly, the dog/Jake whipped its head around and saw me. 

^Kate? Oh, crap,^ I "heard." Only I didn't "hear" it. I "thought" it, but it wasn't really that either. Whatever it was, it was Jake's voice in my head. 

^Kate? I want you to go back to the bonfire. Tell no one what you've seen. Your life and freedom depend on it. The Sharing is bad. You want no part of it.^ As he spoke, Jake was quickly changing back to his canine shape. ^Tomorrow, I want you to come to Cassie's barn. We will explain everything. Ten o'clock tomorrow morning. Okay, Kate?^ His voice was calm but urgent. I believed him. 

I nodded imperceptibly, got down on my hands and knees, and slowly crawled away, keeping as close to the ground as possible. When I knew I couldn't be seen, I got up and ran. 

In the car on the way home, Mom said, "Katy, are you feeling okay? You're being very quiet." 

"Yeah, Mom, I'm just tired." 

"Did you have fun?" Dad asked, smiling at me in the rearview mirror. 

"Not really," I answered. "The kids weren't real friendly. If you don't mind, I don't really want to go again." 

"That's okay, sweetie," Mom said. "As long as you tried it. Your dad and I had a lot of fun, though. They said they have weekly meetings. I think we might start going regularly." 

My heart skipped a beat. I didn't know what was so wrong with the Sharing, but whatever it was, I didn't want my parents involved. But I couldn't tell them that, so I just said, "Sure, if you had fun . . ." 

**Chapter Four -- Kate**

The next morning I was a zombie. I hadn't gotten any sleep because every time I closed my eyes I saw those bladed monsters and that blue thing with the tail and a dog turning into Jake. It made me queasier than the chemo. 

I got to the barn at exactly ten o'clock. Inside, Cassie, Rachel, Jake, and Marco were waiting for me. Cassie was mucking out a horse stall while Rachel perched on a bale of hay and Marco leaned against the wall, watching me suspiciously. Jake was pacing. 

"Hi, everyone," I said. 

"Hi, Kate." Cassie eyed me critically. "You look tired." 

"Well, when you saw what I saw last night, you don't sleep much," I answered, more sharply than I'd intended. 

"We know," Marco said flatly. He looked at the others and said, "Before we go on, I want to reiterate that I am totally and completely against this." 

"WE KNOW!" the others said in exasperated unison. They shook their heads and were silent for a few moments. 

"Will someone please tell me what the heck is going on?" I snapped. I glared at Marco. I didn't know what was happening, but I didn't like the way he was looking at me. 

Cassie nodded. "Come with us," she said, putting her shovel away. She stripped off the overalls she was wearing over the outfit she'd bought yesterday at Rachel's insistence. 

"Cassie!" yelped Rachel, startling me. "Those are brand new clothes! I can't believe you wore them to shovel horse poop!" 

"Why do you think I wore the overalls?" Cassie replied calmly. Jake smiled at her affectionately and walked out of the barn. The others followed him so I did, too, bringing up the rear. We walked across the fields in back of Cassie's farm. I watched the horses running around in the sunlight. They were beautiful creatures. I caught up to Cassie and started walking beside her and Rachel. Rachel was watching the sky where a red-tailed hawk was gliding overhead. 

"It must be great having horses," I remarked to Cassie. 

"Yes," she agreed. "But it's even better to be one." 

"Excuse me?" I said. She just smiled. 

We were coming up on the national forest that bordered the farms. It began abruptly at the edge of the fields and seemed to continue forever. I walked with them until we were about an eighth of a mile into the woods, and then we stopped. Suddenly the red-tailed hawk glided up and landed on Rachel's shoulder. 

^Hello, everyone,^ it said. I suddenly sat down very hard, very fast. A bird had just spoken to me in the same strange way Jake had last night. ^Ah, you must be Kate. I'm Tobias.^ 

"Also known as Bird-boy," Marco added, grinning. Then he looked at me and the grin faded. A scowl quickly replaced it. 

I got up, embarrassed, and dusted myself off. Too soon, as it turned out. 

^Ax is coming,^ Tobias said, his intense hawk's gaze focused on me. 

"Who's Ax?" I asked. As soon as the words left my mouth I got my answer. 

Ax was the blue alien thing with the tail. He ran up at full speed and jumped, neatly clearing our heads. 

"Showing off, Ax-man?" Rachel asked grinning. 

What do you know, I was sitting on the ground again. I stared at "Ax" in shock. 

^Hello. Are you Kate?^ he asked me. I nodded, speechless. ^I am Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill, but Prince Jake and the others call me "Ax."^ He looked at me with his emerald green main eyes and kept his stalk eyes moving, looking in all directions at once. 

I looked up at Jake. "Tell me," I said, "are there any more surprises? Because if there are, I'll just stay sitting to save myself the trouble." 

The others laughed. "No, I think it's safe for you to stand," Jake said. 

I got up and sat next to Cassie on a fallen log. "Okay, what do I know? I know that last night at the Sharing meeting Jake was turning into a dog. I know that . . . um . . . Ax was there. I know that there was a grizzly bear, a wolf, and a gorilla fighting bladed monsters. I know that there is a bird talking to me. And I know that Ax is not from around here. What I don't know is what all this means." 

"Okay." Jake looked at me seriously. "We were the animals you saw last night. Cassie was the wolf, Marco was the gorilla, Rachel was the bear, Ax was - well, Ax - he's an Andalite. I was my dog, Homer." 

"Why? How?" I cried. 

Jake looked at Cassie. She nodded, and continued, "About two years ago we were walking home from the mall. We decided to take a shortcut through that old abandoned construction site. You know the one I mean?" I nodded. "Well, to make a long story short, as we were walking through an alien space ship landed in front of us and an alien got out. He told us why he was there and then gave us something." She paused briefly, and seemed to be remembering something painful. She continued, but her voice wasn't as strong any more. "He gave us the power to morph into any animal we can touch." 

"And that alien was Ax?" I asked. 

^No,^ Ax answered. ^The alien was my brother, Prince Elfangor.^ 

"Is he here, too?" I asked. 

^No,^ Ax said again. His voice was sad. ^Elfangor was killed that night by Visser Three.^ 

"By who??????" 

"Visser Three," Rachel said. "The leader of the Yeerk invasion here on Earth." 

"What's a Yeerk?" 

"A Yeerk is a parasitic slug," Marco said harshly. "They crawl in your ear and take over your brain. You try to scream, but can't. You try to move, but you're no longer in charge of your own muscles. It's slavery more complete than any ever inflicted on anyone here on Earth. And the worst part is, the human mind is completely aware the whole time. They watch the Yeerk go through their memories, trick their family and friends, and they cry as more and more people become Controllers. A Controller - that's someone with a Yeerk in their head." Marco stopped, breathless. "My mom's a Controller." 

"So is my brother," Jake added. "There are lots of human-Controllers. And Hork-Bajir Controllers, and Taxxon Controllers. There's only one Andalite Controller, though." 

^Visser Three,^ Ax said, his thought speech seething with anger. ^The Abomination. My brother's murderer.^ 

"What's a Hork Bajir? And what's a Taxxon?" I asked. 

^You know those bladed monsters? Those are Hork Bajir. Taxxons are like gigantic centipedes. Gigantic, cannibalistic centipedes. The Hork Bajir are actually a very peaceful species. They used to use their blades to strip off tree bark, which is what they eat. They are, as far as we know, all involuntary Controllers. The Taxxons, on the other hand, are all voluntary Controllers,^ Tobias explained. "What about humans?" I asked. 

"Some of each," Cassie answered. "The Sharing is a Yeerk front organization. They recruit voluntary Controllers. Which is why we were there last night. When you told us that you were going to a meeting, we decided to go on a little spy mission to make sure nothing happened. But things got out of hand. The group you saw at the second fire - those are all full members of the Sharing. They're all Controllers." 

"My parents," I said. "They want to go back. They won't make me go, but they think the Sharing's great." 

The others paused. "There's probably not anything to worry about just yet," Jake said. "They usually don't make people Controllers until they've been Sharing members for awhile." 

I nodded. "Who else is a Controller? How can you tell?" 

"That's just it," Rachel said. "You can't. They look and act totally normal. But we know of a few for sure - Tom, Jake's brother. Marco's mom. She's actually Visser One, Visser Three's boss. But she's not here on Earth right now, at least as far as we know. Assistant Principal Chapman is a high ranking Controller." 

"Chapman?" I asked incredulously. They nodded. I shook my head. "All this is going on and nobody knows?" 

"Yes. As far as we know, we're the only resistance here on Earth. The Yeerks think we're Andalite bandits. If they knew the truth, we'd have about two hours until we all had Yeerks in our heads. If they catch one of us, they'll catch all of us," Jake said. He looked hard at me. "Kate, we want you to join us." 

"Excuse me?" I said. "But I can't morph." 

"We can give you the power," replied Cassie. "But it's a dangerous job. And you can't tell anyone - even your parents. Especially if they're in the Sharing. You can't be suspicious in any way." 

Nobody said anything for a moment. I knew what I was going to do, but before I could say anything, Marco jumped into the conversation. "Look, we tried this before. It didn't work at all. It was up there among the worst decisions we've ever made. It was awful. We don't want a repeat." 

"Don't worry," I said. "I don't know what happened, but it won't happen this time." 

^So you're willing to go through with this?^ Tobias asked. 

"Yes," I answered. 

"Great," Jake said somewhat hesitantly. "But there are a few rules that go with morphing. Rule number one: Never stay in morph for more than two hours." 

"Why?" 

^Because if you do, you become a nothlit, a person trapped in a morph. Like me,^ Tobias said. ^I can morph, thanks to this guy called the Ellimist, but if I stayed in my human body for more than two hours, I'd become a human nothlit.^ 

I nodded. 

"Rule number two," Jake said, holding up two fingers. "You must touch an animal to acquire it. Acquire - that means absorb its DNA. Once you do that, you can morph it. You don't need to acquire it each time. But you can't acquire DNA from someone in a morph. And you can't acquire an animal while in a morph. 

"Rule number three," Jake continued. "Since morphing works by DNA, if you're injured in a fight and morph to your human body, you'll be fine. When you morph the injured animal again, the morph will be fine also. But exhaustion transfers morphs, so a lot of the time we come out of fights ready to drop. And morphing itself is also very tiring." 

I nodded again. "I have a question," I said. I glanced quickly at Rachel. "What about - what about cancer?" 

"What?" Jake said, confused. 

"You - you mean . . . Rachel, you didn't tell them?" I asked her. 

"It's your business, Kate. I was pretty sure you didn't want it spread around." 

"Well, thanks." The others were looking at me. "I have - I have leukemia. I'm in remission, but there's no way to know for sure if they missed a few cells with the chemo or something. How would the morphing affect that?" 

Jake looked at Ax. "Ax? You know anything about this?" 

^No, Prince Jake, I am not sure of the effect of morphing on cancer patients. It most likely won't hurt Kate, though.^ 

Once again, I nodded. I was doing a lot of nodding. "Um, could you guys not tell anyone? About the cancer, I mean. You seem to be cool with it, but some people don't understand and treat me like the plague or like I'm going to break. And I really hate that." 

"Of course," agreed Jake. The others nodded. "Now, Ax. Do you have the blue box?" 

^Yes, but it is at my scoop.^ 

"Your what?" I said. Ax was already walking further into the woods. Rachel motioned for me to follow. We reached a spot that looked totally normal - just dirt and some rocks. Then Ax bent down and unfolded his "scoop," which I guess is an Andalite's house. He came back out holding a plain blue cube. 

^This is an Escafil Device,^ Ax told me. ^It is what gives a creature the power to morph. Just put your hand on the side of the cube.^ 

I reached out and touched the - the whatever device. Ax held it out. Suddenly, I felt a tingle run through me. I drew back quickly. 

^The transfer is complete,^ Ax said. 

"So what happens now?" I asked. 

"Well, there's no urgent mission, but I think you should acquire your first morph," Jake said. 

"Something easy," said Cassie, thoughtfully. "And oh, yeah, we have to get you a morphing suit." 

"A morphing suit?" I repeated. 

Rachel nodded. "It's nearly impossible to morph clothes. They come out in tatters. And forget shoes. The most we can do is very tight clothing, like leotards and spandex. You should see us. We look pathetic, like a convention for the fashionably challenged." She eyed me critically. "You're too tall for any of Cassie's stuff and too thin for my stuff." 

"It's the chemotherapy," I said quietly. "I used to be about your size." 

"Oh," said Rachel, not sure how to respond. 

"I have a leotard at my house. I'll go get it and meet you here," I said. 

"Actually, come to my barn," replied Cassie. "I think you should do a bird of prey first, and we have a couple at the Wildlife Rehab Center right now." 

**Chapter Five -- Cassie**

We watched Kate run off through the woods toward her house. We started walking back to the barn. 

"So what do you guys think? Marco, are you still completely against this?" Jake asked. 

"No," replied Marco. "I still don't know if it was a great idea, but she seems nice enough. Not like David. She's sort of prematurely middle aged, kind of like our Fearless Leader here." He grinned and ducked as Jake swung at him. 

"She's been through a lot," said Rachel. "Cancer would do that to you." 

"What did she mean when she asked you if you had told us? You knew about the leukemia?" I asked Rachel. 

"Yeah, I called her house Friday night to see if she wanted to go to the mall and her mom told me. I guess she'd had chemotherapy that afternoon and she was pretty sick from it." 

^Leukemia's cancer of the blood, right?^ Tobias asked. 

"Yes," I answered. "It's one of the most common cancers in children." 

^What is chemotherapy?^ Ax asked. 

"I think it means chemical therapy," I said. "They treat the cancer with poisonous chemicals. The cancer cells suck up all the nutrients and they take up the chemicals with them, so it kills them off. Unfortunately, normal cells that grow fast, like hair cells, also take up the chemicals and it kills them, too. That's why chemo makes people's hair fall out and makes them sick and stuff. It's not fun." I paused. "My aunt had cancer," I added when I saw they were all looking at me. 

"What happened to her? Your aunt, I mean?" asked Marco. 

"She died," I replied softly. "But she had a different kind of cancer that's a lot harder to treat than leukemia." 

Nobody said anything else for awhile. When we got to the edge of the woods Ax morphed into his human form and we kept walking. 

Finally Marco cleared his throat. "She seems much more agreeable than David," he remarked. 

^Yes,^ Ax said. ^There was always something about David I just didn't like. I don't feel that way about Kate.^ 

I smiled at him. I had noticed that Ax had watched Kate very closely - with his main eyes anyway. I winked at Jake and he looked at me quizzically. I looked at Ax and then back to Jake. He shook his head slightly. I knew what he was thinking: No way. 

**Chapter Six -- Kate**

By the time I got to the barn the others were all there. Cassie was shoving a pill down the throat of a very annoyed mallard duck, Jake was trying to hold the duck still, Marco was lounging on some hay, and Rachel was perched on a low stall door. I looked up and saw Tobias sitting in the rafters, looking out the top of the hay loft. Finally, sitting on a bale of hay next to Marco was a boy I hadn't seen before. He was sort of pretty, of medium height with brown hair and skin the color of brown sugar. Ax, I realized. That must be Ax in his human form. 

"Hello," said Ax, sounding a little strange. 

"That's your human morph?" I asked him. He nodded. "You look like a mix of the others." 

"I am," he answered. "I performed a Frolis Maneuver, which means I acquired each of them and mixed the DNA. Ah-kuh-rye-errr-duh. Acquired." 

"Neat," I said, smiling. Ax was strange - he was an alien, for crying out loud! But there was something I liked about him. For one thing, he didn't scare me. He had startled me, but I had never really been frightened of him. 

"So, Marco," I said. "I thought you said that this town was totally boring. No excitement whatsoever." 

"I lied," he answered, smiling hesitantly. 

"Okay, Kate," Cassie said. She put the duck back in its cage and wiped her hands on her overalls. "Time to really become an Animorph." 

"An Animorph?" I repeated. "Oh - I get it. Animal morpher. I like that. Animorph." 

"We have three birds of prey right now. A peregrine falcon, a golden eagle, and a red-tailed hawk like Tobias. Which do you want?" They watched me anxiously. Man, their last experience at this must have been bad. 

"Well, what do you guys think?" I asked. "I mean, I've never done this before. You guys have been at this for . . . what? Two years?" 

They looked relieved. "The red-tailed hawk or the peregrine falcon," said Jake. "The golden eagle's just too big." 

^Plus, he's a jerk,^ added Tobias. ^The red-tailed hawk is good, but if you want to dive and go really fast, go with the falcon. They don't glide as well, though. By the way, Cassie. I hope you're not releasing any of those guys near my territory. Especially that eagle.^ 

"Don't worry, Tobias," Cassie said reassuringly. "They all have well-established territories far from yours." 

I studied the birds. I'd read somewhere that the peregrine falcon can dive at speeds approaching two hundred miles an hour. "No offense, Tobias," I said, looking up at him, "but I think I'll go with the falcon. I like speed." 

"Good choice," said Jake, grinning at me. "I have a falcon morph, too." 

Cassie reached in the cage with gloved hands and gently lifted the bird out. "What's wrong with her?" I asked. 

"Broken wing," Cassie replied. 

^Probably got attacked by a golden eagle,^ Tobias said snidely. 

"Her name is Glenda. Just touch her," said Cassie softly. I reached out my hand and touched the bird. "Concentrate," she told me. I closed my eyes and thought about the bird. She stopped trying to move around and became very still. After a moment, I let go and stepped back. I opened my eyes and looked around. 

"You're done?" Cassie said. 

"I think so," I answered. 

"You ready to go flying?" asked Jake. 

"I guess," I replied. 

"Why don't I morph first?" suggested Cassie. "It'll let Kate see it before she has to do it." 

^And you look the least creepy while sprouting feathers,^ added Tobias. Cassie smiled at him. She stripped off her clothes until she was standing barefoot in a black leotard and tights. She closed her eyes. 

The first thing to change was her arms. Feather patterns became drawn all over her dark skin and morphing suit. They popped out and became 3-D. Suddenly, she had wings. "You look like an angel," I whispered. 

"Most of us don't morph as well as Cassie," Marco told me. "We look like fugitive genetic experiments and Cassie looks angelic. She also takes about half the time." 

^Yes,^ agreed Ax, who had demorphed. ^Cassie is a natural estreen.^ 

^A what?^ asked Cassie. While we had been talking, her head had changed to that of a bird's - an osprey. She had started shrinking, too. In a few seconds, she was a complete bird of prey. ^What's an estreen?^ she asked again. 

^An estreen is a person who morphs artistically. On my planet, there are professional estreens. They are amazing to watch.^ 

"You ready to try?" Jake asked me. 

"As ready as I'll ever be," I replied. 

"Be careful of the instincts," warned Rachel. "When you morph, you usually don't get memories or thoughts, but sometimes you get a load of aggressive or fearful or hungry instincts. Sometimes it takes a few minutes to get control." 

^Don't worry, though,^ Tobias reassured me. ^The falcon's pretty easy as far as instinct goes.^ 

"Okay," I said, feeling a nervous flutter go through my stomach. I shut my eyes and thought about the falcon, soaring high about the city and the trees. I thought about the falcon so much I almost forgot about why I was thinking about her until I suddenly felt itchy all over and held out my arm to see feathers sprouting from my skin. I gasped. 

^Don't worry,^ said Cassie. ^Morphing never hurts, but it's almost never logical, even for me.^ 

Next to change were my eyes. They got smaller, but at the same time became much, much, much better. I mean, I'd never realized just how pathetic human eyes are until then. I could see a flea crawling through Ax's fur, the pores in the others' faces, and a fly scaling the wall on the other side of the barn. 

"Whoa," I said. "These eyes are incredible." 

^Aren't they?^ agreed Tobias. ^They're one of the perks of being permanently stuck in this body.^ Rachel seemed to stiffen a little at that, I noticed. 

Next, my nose and mouth sprouted out and became a hooked, yellow beak designed for tearing my prey. Then my legs became thin, short, scaly, and yellow, both of which had a powerful talon for the foot. I was shrinking the whole time, with white and gray feathers crawling up and over my head and body, and long tail feathers sprouting at the base of my spine. Finally, I felt the falcon mind surface beneath mine. Like the others had said, it was really nothing overwhelming. Mostly, she just wanted to get off the ground, and she was very uncomfortable with so many humans and predators around, even if they were in cages. 

"How are you doing?" Jake asked, startling me. 

^Oh - fine,^ I answered. Wow. ^Hey, can I thought speak when I'm in my normal body?^ 

^No,^ Ax replied. ^Only in a morph. However, Tobias and I can because our human bodies are simply morphs.^ 

^Really?^ said Tobias. ^I didn't know that.^ 

"How are the instincts?" Rachel asked me. She and the others were starting to change. 

^Not bad,^ I replied. ^She's uncomfortable with being on the ground, though.^ 

^We'll take care of that soon,^ said Marco. He smiled as his face sprouted to become his beak. It was very odd to watch. 

The oddest of all of them, though, was Ax. I watched him most of the time. His back legs shrunk and lost their blue fur, becoming first pink and then yellow. His hooves became talons. Then his front legs sort of sucked into his body, as his tail became shorter and broke up into tail feathers. Then his arms lost their fur and became wings with long flight feathers. His fur melted off the rest of his body and was gradually replaced by feather patterns, which became 3-D. His stalk eyes retracted into the top of his now feathered head. A split appeared in his face where a mouth would be and became a beak. Finally, his morph looked complete. 

^What kind of bird that?^ I asked him. 

^A northern harrier,^ Ax replied. ^Marco and Cassie are ospreys, Prince Jake is a peregrine falcon, like you, and Rachel is a bald eagle. Tobias, of course, is a red tailed hawk.^ 

^Everybody ready to fly? Ax, keep track of the time for us, okay?^ Jake said. 

^Yes, Prince Jake. Cassie has been in morph for sixteen minutes,^ he replied. 

^Okay, follow me,^ said Tobias. We flew out of the barn and into the sky. 

^Whoa,^ I said after a few minutes. ^This is incredible! Amazing!^ It was too. You may have flown in an airplane before. Forget it. There's no comparison. None at all. 

^Yes, it is amazing,^ agreed Ax. 

^This is one of the good things about being an Animorph,^ Marco said. 

It must have been. I couldn't imagine anything bad about flying. 


	2. Part Two: The Kiss

**Kate**

_**The Kiss**_

WARNING: If you hate romance fics or can't stand Ax, DO NOT read this fanfic. 

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story (as well as all my others) grew out of my desire to see Ax do something other than act superior and try to kill Visser Three. I feel that Ax has the potential to become much more than the brilliant, fact-spouting alien KA has created, so I'd especially appreciate feed-back on my development of his character. Thank you and happy reading. 

**Chapter One - Kate**

"'Bye, Cassie!" I called, waving. She waved back and continued up the road to her farmhouse. 

I unlocked the front door and flung my backpack on the bench by the doorway. I automatically turned left and stopped. Wait a sec . . . oh, that's right, I thought, embarrassed even though there was no one home to see me. New house, kitchen on the right, not the left. 

I'm really not stupid, I swear. But I'd only been in this house a week, and I'd lived in my old apartment for almost fourteen years. Old habits die hard. 

A week . . . I thought as I rummaged through the refrigerator. One week, and I'd already made new friends, started at a new school, found out about an alien invasion, and gotten the ability to turn into any animal I could touch. 

Oh, yeah. Hey, did I mention that? Yeah, Earth's being invaded by a species of parasitic slugs called Yeerks. They invade people's brains and take over. No one on Earth - no free people, that is - know about the invasion except my friends and me. Controllers, humans (or Hork Bajir or Taxxons) who are infested by Yeerks, know about the invasion, of course. But they can't do anything to stop it. 

By the way, my name's Kate. 

My friends (who can also turn into any animal they touch - "morphing," it's called) are Jake, Marco, Cassie, Rachel, Tobias, and Ax. Ax is an Andalite. 

A what? you're probably saying. 

An Andalite. They're the alien species that invented the morphing technology, but lucky for us, they're the good guys. Ax has four hoofed legs, blue and tan fur, a humanoid upper body with weak arms, a face with no mouth, two big, beautiful, green eyes, another two eyes mounted on stalks on top of his head that can swivel in any direction, and a powerful, dangerous tail that's tipped by a razor-sharp blade. 

I don't know him that well, but he seems really nice. He lives in the woods with Tobias, who's a red-tailed hawk. Actually, Tobias is a human trapped in a hawk's body. 

You see, that's the down side of morphing. You stay more than two hours, you stay forever. 

And that's it. You probably know the rest, so I won't bore you with the details. 

Oh, one other thing about me. I have cancer. 

And at this point, you're probably saying, Gee, Kate. That's sort of important. 

But it's not. Not really. I'm in remission right now, so it's only important for about a 24-hour period every month when I go to the hospital to get a blood work-up and get pumped full of chemicals that make me hurl. The next morning, I'm fine again and I barely think about it. Fortunately, Cassie and Ax and the others seem to be really cool with it. My old "friends" were actually scared of me, like I was contagious or something. Cancer's awful, to say the least, but not contagious. 

Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah. I was rummaging through the fridge, looking for something edible. My family and I had been eating out and ordering out a lot, so I came up with a leftover piece of cold veggie pizza. My dad's a vegetarian, so forget pepperoni. If my mom or I want meat, we have to buy it ourselves. 

Before I ate my pizza, I called my mom at her office. After I was diagnosed with leukemia, my parents became super over-protective. My mom insists that I call her every day by three-thirty to let her know where I am and what I'm doing. She didn't used to make me do that, even when we lived in a big city. I could tell her at breakfast what was going on after school, and it'd be fine. But now I have to check in. 

"Hello?" my mom said, sounding harried. She's been complaining about her new boss, so he was probably giving her a hard time about something. 

"Hi, Mom," I answered. 

"Oh, hi, Katy. How was school?" 

"Fine. I'm at home, but would it be okay if I went over to Cassie's house?" 

"How's your homework?" 

"Not bad. They don't give as much here as they did at St. Elizabeth's. Besides, it's Friday." When I lived in the city, I went to a super-tough parochial school. All girls, uniforms, the whole bit. Believe me, public school was a huge relief. 

"Oh, that's right. Friday. I'd almost forgotten. All right then. Your dad and I are going out tonight, so you'll be on your own for dinner. Is that okay?" 

"Sure. There's plenty of pizza in the fridge. Where are you going?" 

"Just to a meeting of the Sharing." I froze. The Sharing was a Yeerk front organization, set up to recruit voluntary Controllers. "Katy?" my mom said when I didn't respond. "Sweetie, are you okay?" my mom asked, worried. 

"Yeah, yeah," I finally said. "I'm fine. Just sort of spaced out for a second. So I can go over to Cassie's?" 

"Yes. Honey, are you sure you're feeling okay?" 

"Fine, Mom," I answered reassuringly. Truthfully, I was a little tired, but I figured it was just stress. I mean, it's not like my life had changed in the past week or anything. 

"Okay. Your dad and I will be home about ten. Love you." 

"Okay. Love you, too. 'Bye." I hung up and ate my pizza. Then I jogged up the road to Cassie's house. 

**Chapter Two - Cassie**

"C'mon, little one," I murmured to a fawn as I prepared his bottle. His mother had been hit by a car and badly injured two days before. She would live, but for the moment she couldn't take care of her baby. So the task fell to me. 

"Hi, Cassie," Kate said, walking in. She sounded a little out of breath, like she'd run all the way here. 

"Hi, Kate. You ever bottle-fed a fawn?" I asked. 

"No, can't say as I have. I've bottle-fed a tiger cub, though." 

"Close enough," I said with a laugh. "Can you feed this little guy?" 

"Sure, but don't you want to do it?" 

"Yeah, but I have ten thousand other things to do in here, and he's such a slow poke. It takes forever to feed him." 

"I don't mind," Kate said with a smile, as she took the bottle from me. "What's his name?" 

"Schubert." Kate looked at me strangely. "It's some composer guy," I explained. "My dad chose it, not me." 

"Ah." She laid the fawn across her lap and showed him the bottle. I'd fed him four times before - he knew what that bottle meant. He grabbed hold and she held the bottle up so he wouldn't suck air in with the formula. "Am I doing okay?" she asked. 

"Perfect," I answered. "He usually drinks two." I went back to work, feeding and watering the other patients. 

A few minutes later, three birds flew in the hayloft. ^Hello,^ Tobias's voice said in my head. He landed on one of the rafters. 

Another bird, a raptor with gray and white feathers, landed on the ground and began to grow larger. Feathers melted to reveal first pink skin, and then blue fur. Stalk eyes sprouted and the tail lengthened until an Andalite stood in front of us. ^Hello, Kate, Cassie.^ 

"Hi, Ax," Kate answered. She removed the bottle from the fawn's mouth to check how much was left. Schubert tried to grab at it, and she laughed. "Hold on, hold on! There nothing left in this one," she told him affectionately. "I'll get you another." I handed one to her. "Thanks." 

The third bird, a massive bald eagle landed on the floor. A tall blond girl (Rachel) began to emerge from its shape. 

"So what's up?" I asked. 

^I don't know,^ Tobias replied. ^I think this is just a regular meeting.^ Just then I heard the sound of bikes pulling up the path and being leaned against the wall. 

"Sorry we're late," Jake said, coming in. "I had to wait for Marco to get out of detention." 

"What'd you do this time?" I asked. 

"Nothing, absolutely NOTHING," Marco answered. 

"Really?" Kate said skeptically. 

"Really!" he said honestly. "It was all Old Lady Siller's fault. If her lecture hadn't been so boring, I wouldn't have fallen asleep. And she gave me a fifteen minute detention!" 

^And let me guess. When you tried to explain that to her, she made it a half an hour?^ Tobias said jokingly. 

"Yeah," Marco admitted. "I don't know why." Jake shook his head and Kate laughed. Ax looked confused. 

"So what's up?" Jake asked, lounging on a pile of hay. "Any news?" 

"Not that we know of," I replied. "The Yeerks have been really quiet." 

"Which may or may not be a good thing," Marco chimed in darkly. "We can't be sure what they're up to." 

"No," Jake agreed. "But Erek hasn't said anything, right?" Marco shook his head. "Okay then. Besides, this gives our new member an opportunity to get used to morphing. Much better than . . . well, than last time." 

"Last time?" Kate repeated. Everyone just sort of looked at the floor. No one wanted to talk about the disastrous David incident. After a moment, when she realized that no one was going to explain, she said, "Umm, who's Erek?" 

^Oh,^ Tobias said, relieved. ^Erek is an android. He belongs to a race called the Chee. They live as humans by projecting very, very, VERY realistic holograms.^ 

^The Chee are extremely powerful physically, but their creators, the Pemalites, programmed them against violence. They cannot fight with us, but they are quite good at bringing us information, as they are able to easily pass as Controllers,^ Ax added. 

"Oh," Kate said. "So, there's nothing going on right now?" 

"No, but . . ." I looked at her thoughtfully. "You only have one morph, right? The falcon?" 

"Yes." 

"Well, you really need more than that. An insect morph, like a fly, and a battle morph, like a tiger or a grizzly bear -" 

"Anything except a lion," Marco muttered. 

"Also, a dolphin. Sometimes we have to do stuff out in the ocean and dolphins come in handy then. Plus, they're just a lot of fun." I smiled. 

"Okay, but how do I acquire these animals?" 

"The Gardens," I replied simply. "We can go tonight. They're closed to the public because they're doing some maintenance on a couple of the rides, but we wouldn't exactly go on foot. Can you come?" 

"Yeah, my parents won't be home until about ten," she replied. She seemed to want to say more, but decided against it. 

"Okay," Jake said. "But I have to get home. It's my parents' anniversary." 

"And I'm still grounded from the last time we were out late on a mission," Marco said with a groan. 

"Well, we can't be too late, because I have to finish that history paper that's due Monday," I said as Kate handed Schubert's bottle to me. I picked him up and put him back in his pen. 

"History paper?" Marco asked, looking confused. Then his eyes flew open and he slapped his forehead. "Oh, man! I completely forgot!" 

"You mean you haven't started writing it?" 

"Writing it?! I don't even have a topic!" Marco exclaimed in a panic. He jumped up. "I'll see you guys later," he called over his shoulder as he grabbed his bike. 

Rachel shook her head. "I can't go either. My mom's going out to dinner with a bunch of really important clients. I have to be home to baby-sit Jordan and Sara." She glanced at her watch. "Whoa. In fact, I need to go now." 

Jake left a few minutes later. I looked at Tobias, Ax, and Kate. "Well, I guess it's just us. You ready, Kate?" 

"I guess," she replied uncertainly. 

**Chapter Three - Kate**

The four of us circled the Gardens, which is a gigantic amusement park/zoo. ^Ax and Tobias, while Kate's acquiring her morph, you two should stand guard,^ Cassie told them. 

^Yes, ma'am,^ Tobias said with a laugh. 

Cassie ignored him. ^So, Kate. Where to first?^ 

^I don't know. I guess . . . maybe I should acquire one of the dolphins. There's no one near their tank.^ 

^Okay.^ Cassie and I dropped down toward the tank and landed in the shadows. We demorphed and stepped to the edge of the tank. Cassie gently patted the surface of the water, causing one of the dolphins to swim over to investigate. I reached out and stroked her huge, gray head. She rolled over and looked me in the eye as I acquired her. 

"That was strange," I remarked after the dolphin had swum off. "She looked me right in the eye." 

"Yeah, dolphins are very intelligent. Borderline sentient." Cassie and I were remorphing in the shadows. ^Sometimes it bothers me to morph them,^ she said, almost fully osprey. 

"Why?" I asked, only about half-way done. 

^Because I'm taking their DNA without asking. Controlling them, in a way. But, then again, if the Yeerks win, all the dolphins will die, too. So I guess that makes it okay.^ She didn't sound as if she really believed what she was saying. I thought about that as we flew up to join Tobias and Ax. 

^Next up is your battle morph. Any idea what animal you want?^ 

^Some sort of cat,^ I replied. I love cats. They're so graceful, almost liquid, unlike the raw strength of dogs. 

^Jake has a tiger. How about . . ." Cassie scanned the trees below us for ideas. ^Oh! How about a leopard? They have a female here. My mom mentioned that she was having some minor surgery today. She should be back in her pen by now, but she'll still be a little groggy, so it's probably safe to acquire her.^ 

^Okay,^ I agreed. 

Cassie and I landed in a tree in the leopard's habitat. Luck seemed to be on our side. The big, sleek cat was asleep under one of the other trees, only about seven feet away. I swooped down to the ground and demorphed as quietly as possible. ^Tobias, Ax,^ Cassie called up. ^Are we clear?^ 

^Yep,^ Tobias answered. 

I crept toward the sleeping leopard and softly placed my hand on the thick fur of her neck. She didn't stir as I acquired her and remorphed in the shadows. 

^Well,^ Tobias said once we were on our way home. ^That went unusually well.^ 

^Yes,^ Ax agreed. ^We were extraordinarily lucky.^ 

^If Marco were here, he'd be saying we were TOO lucky,^ Tobias added with a laugh. 

We landed by Ax's scoop, and Tobias flew off to hunt before it became too dark. The rest of us demorphed. 

"What time is it?" Cassie asked. 

^It is 5:34,^ Ax answered. 

"I'd better go," Cassie said. "'Bye, everyone!" she called as she jogged off. 

Ax and I looked at each other. 

"So," I said. I bit my lip. "Ax . . ." I stopped, hesitating. 

^Is everything all right?^ Ax asked. 

"Yeah . . . Would you like to come over? My parents are at a . . . a Sharing meeting. They won't be home till about ten. There's pizza in the fridge." I looked at Ax hopefully. I didn't want to eat alone in a house that still wasn't very familiar to me. 

^Yes, Kate. I would like that very much.^ 

I smiled. "Good. Thanks. Okay, then. Why don't you morph to human?" 

**Chapter Four - Ax**

Kate's house was dark, unlike most of the other homes on the street. We went inside and she turned the light on it the "kitchen" - the room in which humans prepare food. 

"You like pizza?" she asked. 

"Yes, I enjoy pizza. Peezt. Ah. Puh. Puh." 

Kate shook her head and pulled a plate out of the refrigerator, the device used to keep food cold. She took two slices and put them in the microwave, which is used to reheat food. She removed the pizza from the microwave and I followed her into the room where her family's television is located. We sat on her couch to eat the pizza. 

I finished mine very quickly. The sense of taste is, at times, overwhelming. Kate watched me eat for a few seconds, then shook her head again before biting into her own. 

Once I had finished, Kate said, swallowing, "So, tell me. What happened the last time you tried this?" 

"This?" 

"Yeah. This - making a new Animorph. You guys said it was awful, but you won't tell me what happened." 

"Oh, yes," I said with a reluctant sigh. "It was extremely unpleasant. His name was David, and he found the Escafil Device. Deee-viiiisssse. Vuh. Vee." 

"Oh," Kate said, looking at me strangely. 

"Visser Three learned that David had the Escafil Device and came to . . . relieve him of it. We, of course, came to stop him. In the process, David's house was destroyed and both his parents were taken as Controllers. We managed to rescue David in time, but then we had to decide what to do with him. We made the wrong choice. Chuh. Oissse." 

"What happened?" 

"David betrayed us. Beee. Tray. Uhduh. He tried kill us. In order to stop him, we trapped him as a nothlit. As a rat." 

Kate covered her mouth with her hand as her eyes grew wide. "No wonder you guys were so hesitant to make me one of you. How horrible." 

"Yes," I agreed. "I - I'd rather not speak anymore about it." Kate nodded understandingly and went back to eating. 

While she ate, I looked around the room. The walls were covered in photographs. Many of them were of a young human girl with long dark hair. I stood up to examine them more closely. 

"These are you," I said, unable to keep the surprise out of my voice. 

"Yeah," Kate answered. "From . . . before." Her voice carried a note of sadness. 

I turned to look at her. "I am no expert on humans, but I believe that you are quite beautiful." 

"Well, maybe I was beautiful then," she said with a mirthless laugh. 

I sat next to her on the couch. "I think you are still very beautiful." 

She laughed quietly and put her plate on the low table in front of the couch. "Then you obviously have a lot to learn about humans, Ax." The sadness had been replaced by bitterness. 

"What do you mean?" 

"Ax, I have cancer. I went from looking like that" - she indicated the pictures - "to this" - she gestured to herself - "in less than a year. No guy finds this attractive. I'm too skinny and my hair's too short. And no one wants to date someone who might . . . might . . . well, you get the idea." 

I studied Kate. I had never found humans attractive. They lack anything and everything that Andalites traditionally consider attractive. But suddenly, sitting there with Kate, watching her sad eyes, I felt something from her. Something that I did find attractive. I couldn't avert my eyes from her face. 

For several minutes, neither one of us spoke. We simply stared at one another, as if we'd never seen each other before. "Aximili," Kate said softly. I was surprised to hear her use my full name, because Tobias and the others do not. "Do you mind if I call you that?" 

"No," I managed. 

"Could you call me Katherine?" Kate asked. Our faces were only inches from each other. I felt a nervous flutter pass through my stomach. 

"Yes," I whispered. 

Kate - Katherine reached out and took my hand, intertwining our strong human fingers together. "Have you ever been kissed?" 

"No," I said. Why was I suddenly reduced to monosyllabic communication? 

"Me neither," Katherine murmured. And suddenly the inches separating our faces were gone. Her lips brushed mine softly, and my eyes closed as my head spun in amazement. 

Kissing is . . . kissing is . . . there is no way to describe it. Nothing to compare it to. Andalites use touch far less than humans. Perhaps this is because we have no way to express affection the way humans can through kissing. 

That first kiss was brief. Almost the instant our lips touched, Katherine pulled back in shock - and I suddenly realized what had happened. 

What had I done? 

A human! What was happening to me? I stood quickly. "I should go," I said, already walking toward the door. No, no, I thought. Not possible. 

"Yeah," Katherine agreed. She stood also and followed me to the door. "Well . . . I guess I'll see you tomorrow." 

"Yes. Good-bye . . . Katherine." Only moments before I had been unable to look away from her beautiful, dark eyes. Now I couldn't force myself to meet them. 

"'Bye . . Aximili." 

**Chapter Five - Kate**

I paced restlessly in my living room. What had just happened? I'd invited Ax over for dinner because I was lonely and wanted some company, not to make out with him. 

Oh, yeah, my brain said sarcastically. One two-second kiss is real hot and heavy. 

I sighed. I flopped on the couch and stared at the ceiling in confusion. I had never been kissed - never really expected to be, either. Guys, especially guys my age, don't want to deal with having a girlfriend who might get sick and die. 

And yes, I could die. That was one of the things I had hated most when I was in the hospital. No one wanted to say that word - death. It was the five-letter swear word. Everyone walked around looking petrified for me, but no one said it. "Oh, honey, you'll be just fine in no time," all the nurses said. And then they'd quote "happy" statistics: "70% of all kids with your type of cancer are just fine in five years," or whatever it was. I never really listened, because when I did, my mind did the math and I wound up thinking, "That means that 30% of all kids with my type of cancer are NOT okay in five years." So I was scared out of my mind and couldn't talk about it with anyone, because if I mentioned dying, everyone went, "Oh, don't be silly. You're not going to die!" 

Sorry. I'm babbling. 

Anyhow, I had other stuff to think about. Such as . . . I kissed Ax. AX. Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill. An Andalite. An ALIEN. 

And I liked it. 

I really liked it . . . Wait a second! What the heck was I thinking!? 

I needed a second opinion. I grabbed the portable phone off the hook and dug my brand-new address book with all my brand-new friends' phone numbers in it out of my brand-new backpack. 

My parents seemed to think that if I had all new stuff, it would make me forget about fourteen years worth of memories made with the old stuff. 

Fat chance. 

Cassie or Rachel? I wondered. Finally, I dialed Cassie's number. She seemed to be better at listening than Rachel. "Hello?" her mom said. 

"Hi, is Cassie there?" 

"Hold on." There were some clicking noises as the phone was put down. I heard Cassie's mom yelling for her. After a few seconds, she picked the phone up. 

"Hello?" 

"Cassie? This is Kate." 

"Hi. What's up?" 

"Um, well, something sorta . . . happened." I suddenly was uncomfortable talking about it over the phone. The others, especially Marco, had warned me not to discuss anything Animorphs over the phone. This wasn't strictly Animorphs, but it had to do with Ax, and my problems had a lot to do with the fact that he was an alien. 

"What? Is something wrong?" she asked, concerned. 

"Not wrong, just a little weird. Could - could you come over?" 

"Oh, Kate. I've got this history report due on Monday. How important is it?" 

I hesitated. "What's the history report about?" 

Cassie sighed. "The role of women in World War II." 

"Perfect!" I cried. "I had to do an oral report on that last year! I'll bring it over." 

"You're kidding." 

"Nope," I said. "I just have to find it." 

"Well, great. Are you walking? It's a little dark out." 

"I'll be fine. But could your parents drive me home later?" 

"I think so." 

"Okay, I'll see you in about twenty minutes." 

I hung up and went upstairs to dig my project out. Then I left a note telling my parents that I'd gone to Cassie's to help her with her history project. 

**Chapter Six - Cassie**

After Kate and I hung up, I told my mom what was going on and went back upstairs. The report was supposed to be five to seven pages, and I had about three pages worth of stuff. I got online to do some more research. 

About fifteen minutes later, the doorbell rang and I heard Kate coming up the stairs. I stuck my head out my bedroom door and said, "Kate. Over here." 

She came in carrying her project and sat on my bed since I was in my desk chair. "So what's up?" I asked, scanning an article on the WAVES. 

"I kissed Aximili." 

The words didn't register at first. Then I sat back in shock. I spun around in the desk chair to face her. "You what?" I said, not sure I'd heard her right. 

"I kissed Aximili." 

I got up and sat next to her on the bed. "When? What happened?" 

She shrugged. "After you and Tobias left, I asked Ax if he wanted to come over. We went to my house and we were just talking and eating pizza. Before I knew what was happening, our faces were about an inch apart and - I don't know what came over me - I . . . I kissed him." 

I was shocked. Ax is brilliant, and kind, and honorable, but he's an alien. Neither Rachel nor I had ever considered having more than just a friendship with him. 

But then, she and I both had other "more-than-friend" relationships. 

"What were you talking about?" I asked. 

She sighed. "He was telling me about David. And then we started talking about how cancer had changed my life and how no guy wanted a girlfriend who was sick. He - he saw some pictures of me from before I got sick, and he said he thought I was still beautiful . . ." She trailed off. 

"Wow." 

"But he's an ALIEN, Cassie." Kate threw her hands up in the air. "He's sweet, and cute, and I like him a lot, and if it weren't for that one little detail, I wouldn't think twice about it. But he's not even human." 

"Well, he's human for a couple hours every week. And he likes you a lot. I saw that even before you kissed him." 

"I know - but, Cassie . . . let's say that in a couple years the Andalites come and the Yeerks are defeated. What would we do then?" 

"Kate, don't think about that - not yet." I paused. "Look - Ax is separated from everything he's ever known. He's a billion miles from his home and family. And you . . . have had your world turned upside down. I think you could really help each other, kinda . . . take care of each other." 

"I don't know if I want a relationship where we have to take care of each other. I'm fourteen years old!" 

"Technically, yes, but I'll tell you something. One week ago, when you saw Jake morphing, time stopped. Age means nothing now because you're going to have to do stuff that most adults couldn't handle. And I know that it's probably not the first time that's happened to you." 

"Exactly. And I don't need something else to add to that." Kate buried her face in her hands. I sighed and gave her a hug. After a few seconds, she pulled back and looked at me, her eyes wet. "But, Cassie . . . he's so . . . I don't know. He's not afraid of me." . 

"I know. I know." I squeezed her hand. "Kate - talk to Ax." She didn't answer. 

"You wanna work on your history project?" she asked after about a minute of silence. She sounded tired, and looked a little pale. 

"Sure," I said with a sigh, going back to my computer. 

**Chapter Seven - Ax**

I left Kate - Katherine's house and walked across the fields, my mind reeling. My system was flooded with strange human hormones, one of which was probably adrenaline, considering the rate at which my single human heart was beating. I reached the edge of the woods and demorphed. This solved the problem of the bizarre chemicals in my blood, but not the problem of my confusion. 

Tobias. I needed to speak to someone, and Tobias is my shorm, my best friend, as humans say. 

He was perched in his tree. Daylight had already faded, the sun already sunk beneath the horizon, so he was preparing for sleep. 

^Tobias?^ I said, standing at the base of his tree. 

^Ax-man? What's up? Where were you earlier?^ 

^I - I was at Katherine's house.^ 

^Katherine? Oh, you mean Kate,^ he said. I was silent for a few moments, unsure of how to continue. ^Ax, is everything okay?^ 

I paused. Tobias and I watch a television program called The Young and the Restless. There is a great deal of kissing on that program, and I had long been confused as to its meaning. Tobias had not explained it to me, but I now knew why. 

^Tobias - I think I now know the significance of kissing to humans.^ I swung my stalk eyes up to look at him as I said this. 

^What?^ he said, staring at me. ^Ax, are you saying that you and Kate . . . ?^ 

^Yes.^ I sighed. ^Tobias, I am very confused.^ 

^Well, did you like kissing her?^ 

^Of course - very much.^ 

^Then why are you confused? I think it's great.^ 

^Yes, but we are two different species. From two planets, billions of miles apart.^ I shook my head. ^It simply is not feasible.^ 

^Ah-hem,^ Tobias said. ^Might I remind you that your own brother fell in love with a human girl and that I am their son?^ 

^That was very different. Elfangor chose to become a human nothlit. I do not have that option.^ 

^Did you and Kate talk about this?^ 

^No,^ I admitted. ^I left rather quickly.^ 

^I see. Why don't you talk to her tomorrow?^ 

^I don't know, Tobias. I think that this was a mistake.^ 

^No, Ax.^ Tobias said. I focused all four of my eyes on him. ^No, I don't think this was a mistake.^ 

**Chapter Eight - Kate**

The next morning I got up early. I'm a real morning person, and I'd always liked to walk or jog on weekends, so it wouldn't seem odd to my parents when I left a note saying I'd gone out walking in the fields. 

I headed across the field toward the woods. It was overcast and chilly, about 45 degrees, but I had a sweatshirt on and a wind breaker over it, with jeans and sneakers, so it wasn't too cold. It was very early - about 6:30. I hoped Aximili was up. 

I was surprised to find that I was tired. I'd stayed at Cassie's until about 9:30 the night before, and gone to bed soon after I got home. I guessed that all the morphing and demorphing at the Gardens yesterday had worn me out. Plus, of course, I was stressed about Aximili. 

I walked a little ways into the words and paused, trying to remember exactly how to get to Aximili's scoop. 

^Katherine?^ a voice suddenly said, echoing in my head. I looked around, startled. I'd just been about to hop over one of the little streams that ran through the woods. Aximili was standing by the stream with one hoof in the water. 

"Aximili. Hi," I said awkwardly. 

^Good morning, Katherine,^ he replied, just as awkwardly, as he stepped out of the stream. 

"What were you doing?" I asked curiously. 

^Drinking,^ he replied. ^We - Andalites, that is - eat by absorbing grass and other material through our hooves, and we drink by absorbing water the same way.^ 

"Oh," I said. I hesitated. 

^I think we need to talk,^ Aximili said, practically reading my mind. 

"Yeah, I think so, too. How about your scoop?" 

^That is fine,^ he said somewhat stiffly. 

Aximili and I didn't speak as we walked to his scoop. He pulled it out of the ground and we went inside the sheltered area. I sat on the floor and looked at him. Neither of us wanted to be the one to start. 

^This certainly is awkward, isn't it?^ he finally said. 

"Yeah, it is," I agreed. "Well, I might as well come right out and say it." I looked at my hands as I formed the words in my head. "Aximili, I like you a lot. I think you're absolutely wonderful, but there's this one tiny detail that gets in the way whenever I think about us . . ." 

^The fact that we are two different species,^ he supplied. 

"Yeah. If it weren't for that . . ." I trailed off and studied his strange and beautiful face. 

^I know. I feel the same.^ He looked at the ground and then focused on some point on the wall of his scoop. 

At last he turned his eyes back to me. ^You do not appear very happy with our decision,^ he remarked, not sounding any happier than I looked. 

"I'm not. But let's face it, it's just not possible." 

^No. It is definitely not a logical course of action.^ 

'Not a logical course of action.' I thought about those words for a moment. No, a romantic relationship with an alien was definitely anything but logical. In fact, considering my health circumstances, it was probably even less logical than it would be for someone else. 

But who ever said love or romance was logical? No one. And if someone did, they had obviously never read Shakespeare or watched TV or movies, or had any exposure to any romance of any kind. 

Crazy thoughts, I told myself, shaking my head, as if that would clear them away. But it didn't. 

"Okay, then," I said, as if Aximili's words had settled the matter. "I'll see you later, Aximili - Ax." I tried to revert to thinking of him as Ax, instead of Aximili. "Aximili" now carried a special, romantic connotation for me, one that I needed to get rid of. 

^Yes, Kate. Good-bye.^ 

I walked back home through the woods, biting my lip. Why had I done that? I wondered, over and over again. Because he's from a different planet, I reminded myself each time. 

I got to my house and discovered a note from my parents. "Went to the beach to pick up garbage with the Sharing. Back at two." Great. The Sharing. More fantastic news. 

I sighed. I was about to run upstairs to take a shower, hoping it would make me feel better physically so I would feel better emotionally, when the phone rang. 

"Hello?" I said. 

"Hello, my name is Regina. I'm with Dr. Lowe's office. I'm calling regarding Katherine ________." Dr. Samantha Lowe was my new oncologist. 

My heart skipped a beat. At my old doctor's office, they didn't call unless something was wrong. Don't panic, I said to myself. Maybe this office calls to tell you everything's fine. 

"Yes, this is Katherine." 

"Good morning, Katherine. How are you?" 

"I'm fine, thank you. Is there a problem?" 

"Well, Dr. Lowe wants you and your parents to come in for a conference." 

"A conference?" I repeated. 

"Yes, it appears that there were some abnormalities in your last blood work-up." 

Abnormalities. The day just kept getting better and better. 

"Oh," I said, trying not to sound like I was flipping out. "Um, when would she like us to come in?" 

"Monday afternoon, around four." 

I checked Mom's date book. It looked clear. "Monday at four looks fine, but I'll have to check with my parents." 

"Okay, just call me back sometime today before three." 

"Sure. 'Bye." I hung up. 

I swallowed hard and sat down at the kitchen table. No. This wasn't happening. Not now. I had only been out of the hospital two months. I had just become an Animorph. No. It had to be a mistake. I felt fine. 

But what if it wasn't? 

I had been feeling tired. But that was just stress! 

What would I tell my friends? How would they react? 

I closed my eyes. I couldn't do anything until Monday. 

**Chapter Nine - Kate**

Monday afternoon. 4:15. I sat in Dr. Lowe's office, digging my fingernails into the armrest of the chair I sat in. My parents sat on either side, looking scared. 

"Your white blood cell count is elevated and your red blood cell count was low," Dr. Lowe said gently. "We also found some suspicious cells in your spinal tap sample." 

"Does that mean that it's back?" I asked bluntly. I wanted the truth, not some sugar-coated version. 

Dr. Lowe didn't answer for a moment. Then she came around and sat on the edge of her desk near me. "I don't believe in beating around the bush," she said. "You are an intelligent young women, Kate. You deserve to be treated as such. The truthful answer is, yes. This probably indicates that the cancer has returned." 

There was a stunned silence. "What should we do?" my mom asked hoarsely. 

"Well, you have two options. The first is for Kate to go back into the hospital for more chemotherapy and radiation. The second is a bone marrow transplant. Unfortunately, transplants work best with siblings and Kate is an only child. However, we could test you two and see if either of you is a close enough match." 

"So you recommend the transplant?" my dad said. 

"Yes, there is a higher survival rate. But, it is your decision. I suggest that you think it over, talk about it. Let me know by Wednesday." 

Wednesday. I had two days to make a life-and-death decision. 

To be continued . . . 


	3. Part Three: The Conversations

**Kate #3**

_**The Conversations**_

WARNING: Extremely sappy. 

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This reads more like a Lurline McDaniel book than an Animorphs story, so if you like her, you'll probably love this. If you hate her . . . well, go ahead if you want, but don't say I didn't warn you. And if you've never read her, if you like this story, you might want to check out her books. 

Also, if talk of religion offends you, I do not recommend this story. 

**Chapter One -- Kate**

The ride home from the doctor's office was probably the worst twenty minutes of my life. My mom was crying and my dad was alternately cussing out my doctors and the other drivers. 

I sat in the back seat and said nothing. 

The minute my parents pulled in the driveway I launched myself out of the car and headed away from the house, across the fields in back. 

"Honey, Katy, wait!" my mom called tearfully. "We need to talk!" 

I kept walking. "Can't talk," I mumbled. I just couldn't - not with my mom in tears and my dad so angry. I needed to clear my head. 

My name is Kate. 

I have cancer. And I'm not in remission anymore. 

I had a huge decision to make. Bone marrow transplant or chemotherapy? I think I already knew which way I was going to go, but the shock of "The cancer's back" hadn't sunk in yet. 

I tromped across the fields in back of my house, not really paying attention to where I was going. I continued into the woods until my feet finally came to a stop and I looked up to see where my subconscious had decided to take me. 

No. Way. 

No! I didn't want to come here, I angrily berated myself. 

Ax's scoop was folded down. He wasn't home, and I was glad. You see, there was this tiny little incident with Ax last Friday. I kinda . . . sorta . . . umm . . . well . . . 

Basically, I kissed him. 

So what? you're saying. It's not like you're the first girl to lock lips with a guy. 

Only, if you haven't picked up on it by now, Ax isn't normal. He lives in a "scoop" in the woods because he's an alien. An Andalite, to be exact. He was in human morph when I kissed him, but still, you can imagine why I was shocked when it happened. We decided that being anything more than friends was impossible, what with the whole "different species" issue. 

So considering the circumstances, I hadn't expected to find myself at his scoop. 

I started to leave, but I hadn't gone five steps when I heard his voice in my head. ^Kate?^ he said questioningly. 

I turned around. He was standing at the edge of the meadow, looking at me with all four of his eyes. "Hi. Sorry. I was just leaving." I started to walk away again, but something made me stop and face him. "I - " I began. And suddenly, I broke off as it began to sink in. The worry and the fear and everything I hadn't been feeling just snapped into place. Telling someone else - or thinking about telling someone else - seemed to make it more real. Tears burned my eyes and I started breathing in gasps, like I was hyperventilating. 

Ax was looking at me, becoming more concerned. ^Kate, what is wrong? Has something happened to one of the others?^ The others. Oh, God. What would I tell them? Cassie and Jake and Rachel and Marco and Tobias. What could I say to them? 

Pictures began to form in my head. Rogue cells in my body . . . dividing and dividing and dividing without stopping . . . sucking up all the nutrients . . . nearby cells starving, dying. My body had turned on itself . . . again. My eyes were shut. I was seeing something that was taking place beneath my skin and deep in my bones. A mutiny in my marrow. 

I was startled when I felt him take my hand. While I'd been lost in my own world, he'd crossed the meadow so he was right in front of me. I opened my eyes. "No," I managed. "The others are fine." 

^But something has clearly upset you. What is wrong?^ 

I looked away. "Ax, I had a doctor's appointment this afternoon. The cancer's back." I was so blunt about it. Get it out. Get it over with. No euphemisms, no sugar coating. 

Ax didn't know what to say. "It's okay," I said with a strange laugh. "What do you say to something like that? 'Gee, I'm real sorry you might be dying'?" I began laughing hysterically. Ax looked at me like I was crazy, and who knows? Maybe I was a little nuts at the moment. So sue me. 

I laughed like that for maybe a minute. Then, just as suddenly, the laughter turned to sobs. "Ax, why now?" I moaned, squeezing his hand as hard as I could and looking up at him as tears slipped down my cheeks. "I don't understand . . . Why?" 

^I . . . I don't know,^ he replied, sounding like he was in shock. ^I'm very sorry. I am not familiar with the human medical procedures associated with treating cancer.^ Poor guy. He comes back from doing whatever it is he does during the day and suddenly has this hysterical female coming at him. 

I looked away. "Well, basically, I have two choices," I said, an edge of bitterness in my voice. "I can go back and have more chemotherapy, spend another six months puking my guts out everyday, lose another twenty or thirty pounds, if that's even physically possible, and maybe die. Or, I can go to the hospital, have them knock out my immune system so I'm completely vulnerable to whatever little creepy crawlies happen to be hangin' around, let my mom or dad have a bunch of bone marrow get sucked out of their hip, and have that put into me. Then, if I'm really lucky, I won't reject it and I'll live happily ever after. Or, maybe I'll reject it and die anyway." I leaned my head on his shoulder, feeling exhausted and totally overwhelmed. 

Ax tentatively touched my back, the way one might touch a ticking explosive. ^I see,^ he said, sounding bewildered. ^But I do not understand. Why would the treatment make you ill? Isn't it supposed to make you well again?^ 

"Yeah, but it makes you sick while making the cancer sick. There are other treatments that are worse." 

Ax shook his head. ^I do not understand human technology.^ 

"Me neither." I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face in his shoulder. Briefly, I thought about what we'd decided - just friends. I really didn't care. I wanted someone to hold me. 

Ax was obviously thinking about the same thing, because his muscles were coiled up. He couldn't have gotten tenser if he tried. But he hesitantly placed his arms around me as I began crying again. 

"Ax, what am I going to do?" I said, gulping and hiccuping in a very unattractive manner. "I have to tell the others . . . How - how do I make a decision like this? And . . ." I trailed off, sobbing. Something else had just occurred to me. When I got sick the first time, all my friends kinda got scared of me. They didn't visit me in the hospital and avoided me once I got out. If that happened again, I didn't think I'd be able to handle it. 

^What?^ he asked gently. His muscles were slowly relaxing. 

I told him. "Please, Ax," I begged. "Promise me . . ." 

^I promise,^ he said instantly, without any hesitation. He took my hand and squeezed it tightly. We stood there for a moment. I was still crying, but not as hard as before. I couldn't do this. I couldn't just wallow in self-pity. I had to be strong, for my parents and for myself. And for the others. 

Finally I let him go. "I need to get home. My parents are gonna be worried. But I have one question. Ax, do - do you believe in God? Or any religion?" 

He obviously hadn't expected that question. His eyes widened. "You don't have to answer me now," I added. "Just think about it." 

^Do you believe in God?^ he asked as I turned to leave. 

I turned back. "Aximili, when you have cancer, you have to believe in something." I left without another word. 

**Chapter Two -- Ax**

After Kate left, I morphed to human and dressed in the artificial skin humans call "clothing." Then, using my clumsy, slow human legs, I walked to a nearby building I had been in once before. The library. 

The library is a place where humans keep books - pieces of paper bound together containing information. Humans are allowed to come in to read the books and take them home for a short period of time. Tobias and I had visited this library before. He had shown me how to use the simple computers to locate books on a certain subject. 

I sat down at one of the computers and typed in the word CANCER on the primitive keyboard. The screen filled with the titles of books on the subject. I got up and located several of the volumes among the thousands on the shelves, and sat in a chair away from the other humans. I quickly read through several of the medical texts I had found, paying special attention to the chapters on bone marrow transplants and leukemia. 

With a half an hour left in my morph time, I returned the books to the shelves and walked home. 

My head was spinning. 

On my home planet, cancer is an easily treated disease - analogous to having the "flu" here on Earth. The treatment is completely painless. When I heard my friends talk about it and saw how upset Kate was that afternoon, I realized that it was a more serious disease here on Earth, but I had not comprehended just how serious it was. The humans simply lacked the technology to treat it successfully on a very regular basis. 

I reached the woods and demorphed. I was distracted, so it took me quite some time since my concentration kept breaking. When I was finally myself again, and trotting back to my scoop, I began thinking about my conversation with Kate, and remembered the promise she'd asked me to make. After reading about the treatments and their side effects, I wondered if I would be able to keep my promise to her. I wanted to, very badly, but part of me had misgivings about it. 

In addition, what had happened to our decision to remain only friends? After that afternoon, I had no idea what to think about that, either. 

Then I thought about the question she'd posed to me as she left. 'Do you believe in God?' 

The simple answer was no. Religion was a part of early Andalite society, but as we became more and more centered on science, it fell away. Religion and science simply do not mix, because religion calls for us to believe in things that are scientifically inexplicable. Therefore, I had not been raised to believe in a god of any kind. 

Humans, however, have many different religions. I had learned about some of these - Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, and Buddism, to name a few - in the course of my study of humanity. Some of these religions believe in one God, some in many gods. Nearly all of them believe in some sort of afterlife. Since Andalites are not religious, we do not believe in an afterlife. 

I had also read about a few of the many clashes of science and religion in human history. Galileo, for example, was the first human to propose that the planet Earth was not the center of the universe, as had been previously assumed. For this, he was excommunicated from the Catholic Church, which, at the time, seems to have been a very influential institution. 

As I said, science and religion do not mix. 

But Kate had said something else, too. 'When you have cancer you have to believe in something.' Obviously, that meant that she drew some sort of comfort from her beliefs. 

More confused than ever, I stood at my scoop and watched as the sun set and the stars slowly appeared. 

**Chapter Three -- Kate**

My parents ambushed me the moment I stepped in the door. 

"Where have you been?" my mother cried. "We've been worried sick!" She grabbed me and held me tight. Oh, man, I thought. Here we go again. I'm the little porcelain doll that has to be wrapped in wool. 

"Katherine, your mother and I were very worried," my father admonished. 

Katherine. Uh-oh, my full name. They really had been worried. 

"I'm sorry," I said apologetically. "I was just taking a walk." 

"Well, please, next time don't be gone so long." Mom tightened her embrace and I felt the air being squeezed out of my lungs. 

"Mom, love you lots, you know, but, really, I also enjoy breathing." Mom took the hint and reluctantly let me go. 

She sighed. "Dinner's ready." 

We sat down around the table in the kitchen. It was about six o'clock, and the sun was going down, so the light coming in the window was soft. Even though it was almost April, Mom had made autumn chowder, this thick cheesy soup with vegetables and ham in it. One of my favorites, and one of the few things Dad doesn't object to having meat in. 

Sitting there at the table with Mom and Dad, that's when it hit me. One way or the other, by Thursday I'd be in the hospital, eating gross hospital food and playing "Guess the Slop" at dinner time. Autumn chowder would not be on the menu. And who knew how long it would be until I got out? 

We ate silently for a few minutes. Finally, my dad, his bowl empty (he's the Human Hoover), cleared his throat and said, "Well, it appears we have a decision to make." I sighed. It had been so nice, sitting there as a family. Blissful normalcy. Now that was shattered as reality reared its ugly head. 

Mom put her spoon down and squeezed her eyes shut, trying not to cry. I couldn't handle it. "Mom, please," I begged. "Look, everything's going to be fine. Just don't cry. Please. Don't cry." 

She opened her eyes, her lashes damp, and gripped my hand. "You're right, sweetie. I don't know how you can be so strong about all this." 

Strong. I thought. Yeah, that's me all right. Of course, they didn't know that I'd completely lost it earlier and sobbed like a baby in Ax's arms. 

I didn't reply, just swirled my soup around in my bowl. 

"Katy, what do you think?" my dad asked gruffly, trying in vain to keep the emotion out of his voice. 

I got up to put my bowl in the sink. I had lost my appetite. 

"Well," I said slowly, over the sound of running water. "I think . . . that I should go for the transplant." I let that settle in as I put my bowl in the dishwater. "I did some reading," I continued, "back when I was in the hospital the first time. It's more successful than chemo for patients whose cancer has recurred." I sat down. "But one of you would probably have to be the donor, so it's up to you, too." 

"Sweetie," my mom said, "we'd do anything for you. You know that." Her eyes filled with tears again and she wiped them away. "I'm sorry," she said helplessly. 

"It's okay, Mom," I said quickly. "Look - I have some homework I have to do." I left the table and ran upstairs where I wouldn't have to see her cry. 

The next day my parents said I didn't have to go to school, but I went anyway. I didn't want any special treatment. I just wanted things to be normal - or as normal as life gets for a morphing teenager. However, as much as I wanted to pretend things were normal, I called a meeting in Cassie's barn for that afternoon at four-thirty. I had to tell them. There was no getting out of it. 

Right after school, I went to see Ax. We hadn't finished our conversation. 

He was waiting at his scoop. ^I thought you would most likely come,^ he said. 

"Yeah," I said, not sure how to respond to that. "Look, I called a meeting for this afternoon. I'm gonna tell the others." I looked down at my hands. "I've decided to have the transplant," I finally said. 

^Yes, that appears to be your best option. I took the liberty of doing some research yesterday.^ 

"Oh. Thanks." I paused "Aximili, I thought about what I made you promise yesterday. It wasn't fair. You can't know for sure what's going to happen, how you're gonna handle it, and you can't promise something like that." 

^Katherine, as I said, I did some research yesterday. The treatments aren't pleasant, and the transplant will be difficult. You will need someone to support you.^ 

I shook my head. "That's incredibly sweet, but you don't have to take this on," I insisted. "My parents support me just fine." 

^Yes, but they will be having a very difficult time, also.^ 

I stared at him. He'd hit the nail on the head. My parents were going to need me to be strong for them - they'd never make it otherwise. That had been the hardest thing last time, wanting to cry with someone and not being able to. This time, maybe there'd be someone there to be strong for me. 

"Thank you," I finally managed, giving him a tight hug. I craned my neck back to look into his emerald eyes and kissed him on the cheek. 

So much for "just friends." 

**Chapter Four -- Ax**

Am I mentally incompetent? I wondered as Katherine and I walked to Cassie's barn. I had morphed to human and Katherine was gripping my hand nervously. 

What had I been thinking? I was not capable of giving emotional support to a human. I did not understand them well enough. 

But this is not simply "a human," I suddenly realized. I would not kiss just "a human." 

This was Katherine. 

And I did understand her, and cared for her deeply, even though I'd only known her a short while. 

She and I reached Cassie's barn and went inside. We were a few minutes late. The others were waiting. 

"Hi, Kate. Hi, Ax," Prince Jake said. His eyes flickered to our hands and Katherine quickly released mine. 

"Sorry we're late," Katherine said softly, looking slightly embarrassed. 

"No problem," Cassie answered, giving her a small smile. 

"So, Kate, what's up?" Rachel asked. 

She sat on a bale of hay and looked at me. I nodded almost imperceptibly, encouraging her. 

"Well, I have some bad news," she began. "I had a doctor's appointment this afternoon with Dr. Lowe, my oncologist -" 

"Whoa, hey, hold up," Marco interjected. "Samantha Lowe?" 

"Yeah, how'd you know?" 

"My dad's been dating her," he said, shaking his head. "She cooked us dinner the other night. Kate, for your sake, I hope she's better at medicine than she is at cooking. Ugh." He made a disgusted face at the memory. "But she's a really nice person," he added. 

"Oh, well, that's good. 'Cause it looks like I'm going to spending quite a bit of time with her." 

There was a moment of silence as the others realized what she was attempting to say. 

"Kate," Cassie breathed. "You're not saying -" 

"Yeah, yeah, I am," she replied. "It looks like the cancer's back." 

^Oh, Kate,^ Tobias said. ^We're so sorry -^ 

Katherine cut him off. "No. No," she repeated, shaking her head. "Look, I found out yesterday and I've spent quite a bit of time wallowing in self-pity. But that's not gonna help me get better. And I don't want you guys feeling sorry for me either. Okay?" The others nodded. 

"What're you going to do?" Cassie asked. "More chemo?" 

"No, actually. I'm going to have a bone marrow transplant. At least, I will if my mom or dad is a close enough match." She looked around. The others appeared stunned. "It has a pretty high success rate," she added optimistically. They nodded again, obviously in shock. 

Katherine left soon after, leaving a very subdued atmosphere behind. "Ax, did you know?" Cassie asked me. 

"Yes," I replied. "She informed me yesterday. She was very frightened and in need of someone to talk to." 

"And she chose you?" Rachel said, sounding surprised. I looked at her somewhat indignantly. "Oh, that came out bad, didn't it? I'm sorry Ax, that's not what I meant. It's just that . . . well . . ." 

"It's all right, I understand," I assured her, but I still felt mildly offended. Cassie and Tobias both looked at me. I could not read Tobias's expression, of course, but Cassie had a strange half smile on her face. 

"How is she really doing?" Cassie asked. 

I shrugged. "I have difficulty judging human emotions, but yesterday she seemed to be a state of near hysteria. Today, she was much calmer. She seems very concerned with one issue, however. From what she has told me, her friends in the city where she lived before were not very supportive when she became ill the first time. She is very worried that the same thing will happen again." 

"Well, she shouldn't be," Rachel said. 

"But she is," I replied. 

"My aunt died of cancer," Cassie said. "The chemo made her so sick and all her hair fell out. It was awful being in the same room with her because she was so different. So weak. I mean, she went from playing tennis four times a week to not being able to get out of bed. I can see why Kate's old friends had a tough time dealing with it." 

"But that won't happen with us," Marco argued. 

"You say that, but I'm sure that's what her old friends said, too. You never plan to turn your back on a friend, but sometimes you just can't handle it. I'm not saying we shouldn't be there for her as much as possible, but we should also be prepared." 

No one answered. 

**Chapter Five -- Kate**

I was right when I said I'd be in the hospital by Thursday. They checked me in Wednesday evening. Dr. Lowe, who insisted I call her Sam, said I needed to have lots of tests before the transplant. My parents had blood tests done as well, to test for compatibility. Hopefully, one of them would match up. 

Thursday morning. Eleven-thirty. Boredom was already setting in. I wasn't scheduled for chemo until a little later, so all there was for me to do was sit around and wait. 

^Good morning, Katherine.^ I sat up in my hospital bed. That was Aximili's thought-speak voice. 

"Aximili?" I whispered. "What are you?" 

^I am in fly morph,^ he replied. ^Prince Jake informed me that I could not visit you during school hours as a human because others would think I should be in school.^ 

I smiled. "Where are you?" I asked quietly. 

^I believe I am on the wall directly behind your head. But I am not certain. These compound eyes are quite disconcerting.^ I twisted my neck around and saw a black fly behind me. 

I put my hand up next to him. "Crawl on," I whispered. He stepped onto my hand, probably fighting all of the fly's instincts. I brought my hand down and looked at him. 

^How are you feeling?^ he asked. 

"I'm fine," I whispered. "Can you hear me okay?" 

^Yes, the fly picks up sound waves and, since I've had quite a bit of practice in this morph, I am able to discern the words.^ 

"Oh," I said, studying the tiny insect resting on my palm. 

You know, flies aren't that ugly once you really look at them. Aximili's body was shiny black with a greenish tinge. His eyes were a dark, dark red, and he sported a pair of gossamer wings on his back. 

Or maybe flies were still ugly and I just liked Aximili a whole lot. 

^Would you like me to answer your question?^ he asked. 

"What question?" 

^The question you posed to me as you were leaving after you informed me of -^ 

"Oh, that question. The one about whether you believe in God?" 

^Yes.^ 

"Sure." 

Aximili said nothing for a moment. Then he answered, his thought-speak soft, ^No, I do not believe in a god. Religion is not a component of Andalite culture. It has been, in the past, but as we became more scientifically advanced we realized that it was not possible to have both science and religion.^ 

"Why not?" I whispered. 

^Why not?^ he repeated, sounding surprised. ^Because it simply is not possible. Religion calls for belief in something without scientific evidence.^ 

"So what? Haven't you ever just believed in something?" 

^No, only children have faith in something they are not capable of proving.^ 

I was silent for about a minute. "What about Heaven?" I finally asked. 

^Do you mean an afterlife?^ 

"Yeah." 

^No. Again, it is not scientifically possible to prove something such as that.^ 

"So you believe that when you die, that's it? It's just over? How can you live your life, with so much fear and danger, and not think that there's something better out there? How can you deal with that? What about your brother? He died. Do you think he's just gone?" I was quickly becoming very upset, my voice choked. I'd asked him for an honest answer, but I hadn't expected his answer to be no. 

Aximili didn't reply. At last he stuttered, ^I - I wasn't raised to believe in anything like that. I suppose I've never given much thought to the issue.^ 

"Well -" I began, but I was interrupted by an orderly coming in. 

"Hey, Kate," he said cheerfully. "I'll be taking you down to chemo in about five minutes, okay?" 

"Okay," I replied, nodding. He left, probably to go get the wheelchair they would make me ride in, even though my legs worked just fine. "Aximili," I whispered once he'd left. "I have to go to chemo soon." 

^Yes, I heard. When will you be back?^ 

"Three hours or so. But I don't want you here. I don't want you to see me like that. And tell the others not to come this afternoon. I'm only having chemo every other day. Tell them to visit tomorrow." 

^Will your parents be with you when you return from the chemotherapy?^ 

"No, Mom couldn't get the afternoon off and Dad had an emergency. They'll both be gone until about six." 

^Then I agree to tell the others to wait until tomorrow. But I do not agree to stay away.^ He started to buzz off, probably planning to sneak out the window, which was cracked open. 

"Aximili?" I said quickly. 

^Yes?^ he replied, landing on the window sill. 

"You - you could probably come as a human this afternoon." 

^All right. I will see you then.^ 

He left and the orderly came back in with the wheelchair. "You ready, Kate?" 

"No," I answered, but I got in the wheelchair anyway. He took me down the hall to the chemo room. There were about four other kids there, watching _The Lion King_ on the television. I sat in one of the recliner-type chairs and watched as one of the nurses hooked me up to an IV bag full of chemicals. I sighed. On the screen, Simba, Timone, and Pumbaa sang about "Hakuna Matata" - no worries. 

Easy for them to say. 

**Chapter Six -- Ax**

I wasn't certain I could navigate the hallways of the hospital as a human, so I morphed to fly and entered through the window again. I had noticed a small room just off of Katherine's, so I flew in and demorphed. I used my stalk eyes to peek out the half-open door and saw Katherine lying in her bed, her eyes closed. I morphed to human and sat in the chair located beside to her bed. 

She opened her eyes. "Hi. I didn't hear you come in." 

"I did not enter through the door. Duh. Ooorrr. Thuh. Thuh." 

"Oh," she said, smiling weakly. She was very pale, with a gray tinge to her face, and shivering slightly. 

"Would you like me to close the window?" She nodded. I shut it tightly, but she still did not stop shaking. 

She held her hand out for me to take. "You want to pick up our conversation from this morning?" she asked, swallowing hard. 

"Are you certain you want to continue?" I asked. "You do not appear to be feeling very well." Katherine squeezed my hand. "No, I'm not, but I want to keep my mind off it." 

"All right," I agreed. 

Katherine sighed. "I wasn't raised to believe in God, either. My parents were, but they kinda rebelled against religion when they were younger. When I got sick, though, I met a girl named Jenny. She was my roommate and she prayed every night. After awhile, I started joining in. It made me feel better, especially when I started to think about Heaven. Then she died, and it made so much more sense that she was somewhere like that than just . . . gone. Nonexistent." Katherine closed her eyes, looking as if speaking had exhausted her. I hesitantly stroked her forehead. 

"Do you still believe?" I asked. 

She sighed and touched my face gently. "Yes. But sometimes I get mad at Him, you know? I mean, what did I do to deserve this? Monday night after I told you, I spent a long time being pissed off at Him, to say the least. It's just not fair. But life can't always be fair. And maybe there's a reason for this that I can't see." 

She and I sat there for approximately ten minutes without speaking. I cradled her head in my hands and kissed her forehead. Suddenly, she whispered, "Ax - the basin on the nightstand -" She struggled to raise her upper body off the bed. 

The basin she indicated was a silver bowl. "This?" I asked, holding it up. 

"Yeah," she managed, taking it quickly out of my hands. She held it under her mouth and vomited. I recoiled, startled. Her thin body heaved again and then she fell back, looking even more pale than before. "I'm sorry," she whispered. 

"It's all right," I said. I took the basin and washed it out in the sink in the small room, my hands quivering. I came back and sat in the chair again, taking her hand as if I were afraid it would shatter. I almost was. 

"I'm sorry," she said again, clearly embarrassed. 

"It's all right," I repeated. "How are you feeling?" 

She sighed and leaned her head on my arm. She closed her eyes. "Tired," she murmured. A few moments later her breathing deepened and her hand relaxed in mine. I sat with her until my morph time ran low. 

**Chapter Seven -- Kate**

I'd been in the hospital a couple of days when Dr. Lowe came in to see me. It was Sunday morning, so my parents were there. I hadn't had chemo that day, and I was looking forward to seeing my friends later. As weekends in a hospital go, it was a pretty good one. 

"Well," Sam said, sitting on the edge of my bed. She was about twenty-eight, with very short hair. She had on jeans, her white coat, and a blue UC Berkeley T-shirt. "I got the results from your parents' blood tests back." 

My parents' and I looked at each other nervously. "Good or bad?" I asked. 

"Good. Surprisingly good. To tell you the truth, it's rare to find very close matches with parents and children. But, Kate, you and your dad," she said, looking at my father with a smile, "are quite close." 

"Close enough for a transplant to work?" my dad asked, sounding excited. 

"Definitely. Of course, there is no guarantee. But it's our best option." 

"So what's the next step?" my mom asked. 

"The next step is to harvest some of Kate's bone marrow. That way, if the transplant fails, we can put it back in and keep her alive. Then, we start Kate on a regiment of immune suppressant drugs. At that point, you'll have to go into isolation." 

"You mean my friends won't be able to visit?" I asked. 

"No. We can't risk you catching anything with your defenses knocked out." 

"And then what?" 

"We do the transplant. We'll take the bone marrow out of your father's hip and you'll receive it via an IV, the way you do your chemo. After that, it takes a few weeks to be certain the transplant has taken effect. You'll be moved out of isolation, and, provided there's no rejection, you should be outta here about six weeks after the transplant." 

"Six weeks!" I cried. 

"It's a long time, but it's worth it," Sam reminded me. 

"I know." Six weeks. I'd never catch up with the schoolwork. 

"So, do you have any questions?" 

Just then, Cassie popped her head in the door. "Hey, Kate. Hello," she said to my parents and Sam. "Oh, are we interrupting something?" 

"No, that's all right. Dr. Lowe, could we talk in your office?" my mother asked. 

"Of course. 'Bye, you guys," Sam said cheerfully as my parents followed her out of my room. "'Bye, Marco," she added cheerfully, ruffling his hair as she left. 

My friends filed in, with Cassie and Rachel immediately claiming the spots on my bed. I sat up. I was feeling pretty good so I was dressed in jeans and my "Bald is Beautiful" T-shirt. 

"'Bald is Beautiful,'" Rachel read with a smile. 

"Yeah," I said. I reached up and ran a hand through my already short hair. A few dark strands fluttered to the white sheets. 

"You are always beautiful," Aximili told me, giving me a brief - very brief - hug. 

"Thanks," I replied quietly. I scooted over so he could sit next to me. The others were watching us and grinning like idiots. Well, actually, Jake, Cassie, Tobias, and Rachel were grinning like idiots while Marco was making gagging noises. 

"Well," I said, shaking my head at Marco's antics. "I have some news. Dr. Lowe just got the results back from my parents' blood tests, and it looks as if my dad and I are a close enough match." 

"That's great," Jake said, smiling. 

"Yeah," I agreed. "The transplant's a go." 

"So what happens now?" Rachel asked. 

I quickly outlined the rest of the treatment. "I guess that means I'll be here for about another seven or eight weeks." 

"Seven or eight weeks?" Tobias repeated incredulously. 

"I know, I know. Believe me, I know. It's a long time." I sighed. "Look, I'm tired of talking about this. You guys wanna play a game? One of the nurses brought in Trivial Pursuit this morning." 

An hour later, Tobias and Aximili had to leave. "I gotta get home, too," Marco said. "Not that it really matters. Kate, Ax, Tobias are so far ahead anyway." 

"We should have known better than to put the useless-information buffs on the same team," Rachel agreed. 

"I have to go, too," Jake said, getting up. 

"Cassie, Rachel, you guys want to stay?" I asked. 

"Sure. I fed all the animals and stuff this morning." 

"And I have nothing to do," Rachel said. 

"'Bye, Kate," the others called. Ax hesitated for a second and then quickly kissed me on the cheek. 

"Aximili," I said as he was walking out the door. "I have chemo tomorrow morning, but since spring break is starting you could come by and sit with me." I looked at him hopefully. Chemo can be really boring, and I like Aximili as a human or an Andalite a lot better than as a fly. 

"What time?" he asked. 

"They're taking me at ten, so about nine-forty-five would be good." 

"All right." He smiled at me. "I will see you then." 

"So," Cassie said after the others had left. "We going to release Schubert and his mother tomorrow." 

"That's great. How's the little guy doing?" 

"Fine, and his mom's back on her feet - or hooves, actually." 

"Great." 

Rachel looked at us. "Uh-huh, that's fantastic. YOU," she demanded, looking at me. "Everything. Details. Now." 

"What details? It's not like the hospital's real romantic." 

"He kissed you," she replied, crossing her arms. "He hugged you hello and kissed you good-bye." 

"So?" 

"So?" she repeated. "So?! Come on! This is Ax we're talking about!" 

"What Rachel is trying to say, I think, is that we've known Ax years longer than you and never seen him show any physical affection. None." 

"He's like a totally different person around you, Kate!" Rachel cut in. "He's even stopped that incredibly irritating habit of playing with sounds!" 

"Oh, no, he still does that sometimes," I answered. "Actually, I think it's kinda cute." 

Rachel stared at me while Cassie tried not to laugh. "Oh, man. You've got it REALLY bad if you think THAT is cute." 

I laughed. "Okay, okay, all joking aside. He really has been wonderful to me. Not many guys are willing to hold your hand while you hurl." 

Cassie shook her head. "I like Ax - as a friend - a lot, but I would not have pegged him as the nurturing type." 

"He's not," I replied. "Not really. But he's learning. And if you think about it, the fact that he doesn't come by it naturally makes it even sweeter. He's willing to do something for me that makes him a little uncomfortable." 

Cassie nodded thoughtfully. "I see." There was a silence for a few moments. 

"Okay," I finally said, suddenly tired of being serious all the time. "I want to know all the new gossip at school. Everything. Just 'cause I'm in the hospital doesn't mean I have to be out of the loop!" 

Rachel smiled. "No problem." 

**Chapter Eight -- Ax**

At precisely nine-forty-five the following morning I flew in the small opening in the window of Katherine's hospital room. 

^How are you?^ I asked. 

"Okay," she whispered. I flew into the side room and demorphed, quickly changing to my human form. 

"The clothes Jake left are on the other bed," Katherine said. Prince Jake had lent me some artificial skin to wear when I visited Katherine. I put them on, and sat in the chair next to her bed. 

Katherine was leaning back against the "pillows," as humans call them. She looked slightly pale even though she had not yet received her chemotherapy. There were dark shadows beneath her eyes, and she lacked her usual vigor. 

"Are you all right?" I asked, taking her hand. 

"I didn't sleep great last night," she replied, her eyes half-closed. "I kept having nightmares." 

"About what?" I asked. 

"Dying," she answered with difficulty. "In my dreams, I was dying and there was no one there. I was alone, and scared out of my mind, and my parents weren't there and you weren't there, and . . . Promise me you won't let that happen. Please." Tears formed in her eyes and spilled over. 

I took one of the small tissues contained in the box by her bed and wiped her eyes. "You are not going to die," I said confidently. 

"Aximili, please -" she began, but she was interrupted by a man in a blue uniform coming in to take her to chemotherapy. 

"You comin' with her?" he asked. 

"Yes," I replied. 

"Okay. Follow me." I saw Katherine take something from the table beside her bed as she sat in the chair the man was standing behind. The chair had wheels on it, and the man pushed her out of the room and down the hall. 

He led us into a room with six reclining chairs. Each had a tall pole with a hook standing beside it, and there was a television set located on the far wall. Katherine settled herself in the nearest chair. 

"Looks like you two have the room to yourself today," the man remarked. "You want to watch a movie?" 

Katherine looked at me. "Um, no that's okay." 

"All right-ey, then. The nurse'll be with you in couple minutes." He left. 

Katherine leaned back in the chair and closed her eyes. "I'm so tired. I shouldn't be this tired." She sounded frustrated. 

"It's okay," I assured her. "There is no need for you to entertain me. If you are tired, you should try to sleep." 

"No," she insisted. "Don't you see? My surgery's scheduled for tomorrow, Tuesday. On Thursday they're going to start the immune suppressant drugs and I'll have to go into isolation. We won't be able to see each other or talk face to face. I might have a phone, but it won't be the same . . . There's stuff I want to say to you. Just in case." 

"Do not think like that," I told her. "Please. You will be fine." 

"No, Aximili, don't do this to me! Everyone always does this to me. 'Oh, Kate, don't talk like you're going to die! You're going to be just fine.' But there's a chance I'm not going to be fine. And I want to be able to talk to somebody about it. 'Cause I'm scared that what happened in my dream's going to come true, that I'm going to die all alone, without even the nurses there." She bit her lip and stared at the floor. 

"It's okay -" 

"No, I don't want to cry!" she said, angrily wrenching her hand away from me. "Dammit, where is that nurse?!" 

I didn't know how to respond. Nothing I said seemed to assuage her fears. 

"I'm sorry," she finally said after approximately five minutes of silence. "I - " 

"Good morning, Kate." A woman in a green uniform came in carrying a clear bag of red liquid. "How are you today?" 

"Okay," she sighed. 

"Heard you're going to be getting a transplant soon." 

"Yep." 

"So this might be your last chemo session." 

"Huh. Never thought of it that way. Oh, Nurse Gallagher, this is my friend . . . Phillip." 

"Oh, nice to meet you, Phillip." 

"Hello." 

"Now, Kate," the nurse said, hanging the bag from the hook and stretching a clear tube down to Kate's arm, "you know you're not supposed to have visitors in the chemo room." She inserted the end of the tube into a small catheter in the crook of Katherine's elbow. Then she stepped back and studied me for a moment. "But since no one else is in here today, I guess we can make an exception." 

"Thanks," Katherine said, smiling at the nurse. 

"Ring if you need anything," she added as she left. 

Katherine silently watched the liquid drip down the tube for a few seconds. Then she said, "I'm sorry I lost it." 

"Don't apologize. It is not your fault." 

"I - it's just that I want to be able to talk to someone about it. I don't think I'm going to die, but still . . . sometimes it's really hard to be optimistic and not give up. And those dreams didn't help any." She paused and held something out in her hand. It was a necklace, a type of decoration humans wear around their necks. This necklace had dark, wooden beads. At the bottom hung a string of more beads and a very peculiar ornament - a man on a structure of two pieces of wood crossed over each other. 

"What is this?" I asked, touching the necklace. 

"It's called a Rosary," Katherine replied. "Jenny gave it to me. It's a religious symbol. You see, you say prayers as you go along the necklace. Each bead stands for a certain prayer." 

I sighed. "It bothers you greatly that I do not believe in a god." 

"Yeah, it does. Have you thought any more about it?" 

"Yes, but I cannot forget that religion is incapable of being explained by science." 

"But don't you see? They don't have to exclude one another." I shook my head. "Look." Katherine held up her hand. "Look at the way our hands are able to move. Scientifically explain that." 

I took her hand and looked at it. Her hands were beautiful, and I wanted very badly to please her, but I had to reply, "It's quite simple, really. The nerve impulses cause the myosin heads to bind to the actin filaments in the muscle fibers, which results in a sliding motion, which causes a muscle contraction." 

Katherine stared at me. "Okay, I didn't understand a word you said, but that's beside the point. That's not what I meant. Think about how that evolved. How just the right chemical reactions occurred to create life and how everything brought us to where we are now. I mean, science is incredible! The way our bodies function, the way our brains work. How could that have happened without help? And it has happened on so many planets - with you Andalites and us humans and the Hork Bajir and the Taxxons. Even the Yeerks, if you disregard the fact that they're parasitic slugs, are amazing. Someone had to at least get the ball rolling." 

"I find it very difficult to believe that Taxxons and Yeerks are the creations of a benevolent being." 

"You see - that's where free will comes in. We have the power to make choices and those choices affect the future. The Yeerks made some bad choices. We have, too." 

"But why do you pray to this God? Why do you believe He will help you?" 

"I don't know. Maybe it's because Jenny always seemed so sure of it. Maybe it's just easier for me to believe that things aren't random." 

I sighed, fingering the wooden Rosary beads. "Who is this man?" I asked, looking at the ornament at the bottom of the necklace. 

"Long story. But he's a pretty important guy to a lot of people. His name was Jesus." 

She and I sat there for a long time, each lost in our own thoughts. After awhile, I realized I only had fifteen minutes remaining in my morph time. 

"You're leaving?" she said in dismay when I told her. 

"I must . . . unless there is a place for me to morph." 

"There's a supply closet over there," Katherine answered quickly. I saw a door in the wall. "I'm sorry. You don't have to stay if you don't want to, but I just don't want to be alone." 

I remorphed in the supply closet, but I'd already morphed, demorphed, and remorphed once that day, so I was beginning to tire. I returned and sat next to her again. Her eyes were closed. "I'm starting to feel sick," she said with a sigh. 

"Would you like to watch a movie?" I asked. 

"No . . . you know what? Down in my room on my nightstand is a book of poetry by this woman who survived cancer. Could you go get it?" 

"Yes." I returned a few moments later with the book. "Should I read to you?" 

"That'd be great." She leaned back and closed her eyes. "I love this book," she murmured, "'cause it isn't about dying, and it isn't really about cancer. It's about living, and just being a survivor in general. I think the word "cancer" is used maybe three times in the whole book." I nodded, and started reading. 

Katherine was done with her chemo about an hour later. The same man in the blue uniform wheeled her down the hall and she crawled into bed. She looked like she felt sick to her stomach, so I made certain to set the silver basin by her bed. 

"Tomorrow," she mumbled. "My surgery's tomorrow morning so my parents'll be here all day." 

"I won't see you." I was disappointed, but I knew it was best if her parents did not meet me without the others there as well. 

"No. But Wednesday, I'd like you to come. The others, too. And after my parents take me out to dinner that night, I'll stop by the house. Wait at the edge of the woods." Katherine started to gag, and vomited. I gently squeezed her hand and took the basin into the bathroom, as she had told me the small room was called, and washed it out. I came back with a wet cloth for her forehead and wiped her face with it. She opened my eyes. "You're getting to be a pretty good nurse," she said with a weak laugh. 

I smiled, but inside I was suddenly frightened for her. 

**Chapter Nine -- Kate**

I guess I fell asleep pretty quickly. When I woke up, Aximili was gone but both my parents were sitting by my bed. "How are you doing, sweetie?" my mom asked me. 

"Not great." I was nauseated and my head hurt. I looked at the clock. I'd missed dinner and I couldn't have anything to eat because I was scheduled for surgery in the morning. I didn't care. 

"Dr. Lowe said you're scheduled to go in about seven in the morning," my dad said. 

"Ugh. Too early," I groaned. 

Nevertheless, at six-forty-five the next morning, the nurses wheeled me to the operating room on one of those gurney things. "How're you feeling?" Sam asked me. All I could see were her eyes above her green face mask. 

"Okay," I said, groggy from the shot they'd given me earlier. 

"You ready?" 

"Yeah," I mumbled. 

"Just take a deep breath." The anesthesiologist put a mask over my mouth and nose. I breathed deeply and floated away in a fog. 

The surgery only took a couple hours, but I slept most of the day on account of the anesthetic. On Wednesday, though, Aximili and the others all came to visit for the last time before I went into isolation. 

"Hi, Kate," Cassie said, poking her head in the door. "How're you doing?" 

"Good - I think," I answered. 

"Great." Suddenly she disappeared again and I heard a bunch of whispering outside. Finally, she came in lugging something behind her. 

"What the heck . . ." Jake lifted it up on the bed. "Whoa. That is one big card!" I cried. 

The "card" was about three feet by two feet, and had "Get Well Soon" on the front. Inside, it had been signed by every person in my class at school. 

"How'd you guys do this?" I asked. 

"Easy," Rachel answered. "Cassie and I camped out by the door after school on Friday and said nobody got out until they signed the card." 

"There actually wasn't that much argument, either," Cassie added. "About 95% of the kids were happy to sign it. The other 5% were jerks about it, but what do you expect?" 

"True, very true," I agreed. "I'm glad you guys came." 

"Oh, wait. I got something for you," Marco said, handing me a mirror. I looked at him strangely. A mirror? I held it up and . . . 

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" the mirror screamed. 

"AHHHHHHHH!" I yelped. "Marco!" 

He snorted and doubled over laughing. "It wasn't that funny," I said, glaring at him in mock anger. 

"Yes, it was. You should have seen your face!" I looked around. The others were either laughing or trying not to. Even Aximili was struggling to keep a straight face. 

"And you guys are no help at all," I added before cracking up. "Hold on a sec you guys," I said, gasping for air. "There's this one nurse . . . I have to try this on her. She's such an old biddy." I hit the buzzer on the wall. 

She appeared a few seconds later. "Yes?" she said impatiently. 

"What?" I said innocently. 

"You buzzed for me." 

"No I didn't." 

She looked at me suspiciously and started to leave. 

"Oh, Nurse Williams," I gasped. "You have something on your face." You clean-freak, I thought. 

"What?" she said, looking horrified. 

"Here." I handed her the mirror. 

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" the mirror screamed. 

"AHHHH! Oh, my Lord!" she gasped in shock, putting a hand over her heart. "Oh!" She caught her breath and glared at us angrily. "Well. I never," she snapped, storming out of the room. 

We looked at each other and began laughing hysterically. 

Suddenly I stopped laughing and watched them closely. I wanted to remember them like this. Even Aximili was laughing, which was a rare occurance. We were happy and together, and I wanted to remember everything. 

Why am I thinking like this? I wondered. Everything's going to be fine. Just fine. 

Which is what I told Aximili that evening when I saw him. I met him at the edge of the woods like I'd told him. 

^Hello,^ he said. 

"Hi." I quickly gave him a hug and whispered, "I'll see you soon, okay? Really soon." 

^Yes,^ he agreed, but I couldn't read his voice, couldn't tell if he really believed it or not. I looked into his beautiful eyes and tried to memorize his face. 

"Everything's going to be fine," I said again, but part of me wondered why I kept telling everyone (even myself) that. 

^Yes,^ he said again. We held each other tight for about five minutes, not speaking. 

"I have to go," I said. I kissed him one last time and slowly released his hand. "Think about everything we talked about, okay?" He nodded. 

I started to walk across the field. ^Katherine!^ he called out after me. I turned back. 

^I love you,^ he said quietly. 

"I love you, too," I answered. Then I ran back to my house, ready for whatever happened. 

To be continued . . . 

By the way, this entire series is dedicated to seriously ill children everywhere. 


	4. Chapter Four: The Dream

**Kate #4**

_**The Dream**_

WARNING: This is even sappier than the other one. 

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Break out the good stuff, I finally learned a little HTML. (Thank you, Impulse.) And thank you, Kat, for the idea for the dream section. It's a hundred times better than before. 

And just to let you know, Chapter Five is _supposed_ to be a little scattered and disorganized. 

**Chapter One -- Kate**

Thursday morning. Isolation. 

I sat in my completely sterile room and stared out the window at the hallway. Not that there was anything to see, but the only thing on TV was stupid soap operas and Jerry Springer, who I detest far more than any other human being on this planet. So, staring out the window was a pretty interesting activity comparatively.. 

Watching the clock was, too. I'd arranged with Aximili and the others to call me at eleven from Rachel's speaker phone. 

Oh, yeah, by the way, my name is Kate. Gotta throw that in, don't I? 

And you're probably wondering why I'm in a sterile room. No, I'm not insane - not "lock you up" insane, anyway. The reason is that I will be receiving a bone marrow transplant in a few days. Bone marrow is this stuff in your bones (duh) that makes your blood cells. But, my bone marrow made a typo and I got leukemia, and now I need new bone marrow from my father (who's a pretty close match to me genetically). But in order to prevent my immune system from thinking the new bone marrow is some sort of infection, my doctors have to give me a bunch of pills to knock out my immune system. But, of course, that leaves me vulnerable to viruses and stuff so they put me in this spic-n-span room for a few weeks until they think the transplant's taken. Unfortunately, none of my friends can come visit me while I'm in isolation - just my family and the doctors and nurses. Yippee. 

So now you know why I was so bored and why, when the phone did finally ring, I grabbed it before it'd even finished the first ring. 

"Hello?" 

"Hello, this is AT&T. We would like to offer you our new low rates -" 

"Hi, Marco." 

"Hi, Kate." 

"Am I on the speaker phone?" 

"Not yet. Hold on." There was a pause and a clicking sound, and then I could hear my friends moving around and sort of echo-y static background noise. "Now you're on." 

"Hey, guys!" 

"Hi, Kate!" I heard them chorus. 

"How're you doing?" Cassie asked. 

"I'm _bored_," I replied with a laugh. "I've been staring at the phone for four hours! But other than that I guess I'm fine." 

"You don't have anything else to do?" Jake asked. 

"Well, there's TV, but nothing's on that I wouldn't rather walk barefoot on broken glass than watch, and there's homework that I guess I have to do at some point, and, oh! Hey, I almost forgot the highlight of my morning. The nurse came in to give me my pills. You should see these things. They're like horse pills." 

"Gee, we're gonna have to really work to top that," Rachel commented dryly. 

I laughed. "So what's up?" 

"Nothing. I'd don't know if you've gotten a look outside, but it's pouring," Tobias said. 

"It is? It wasn't raining at six-thirty this morning when they ousted me out of bed to move." 

"Six-thirty?" Jake repeated. 

"Yep. Fun, huh? Anyway, is Aximili there?" 

"Yeah. _Aximili_," Marco said mockingly, "is here. But I think he's waiting to talk to you . . . _alo - one_." 

"Cute. Very cute, Marco. Hi, Aximili." 

"Hello, Katherine," he replied. 

We talked for awhile about what the others were doing during the rest of their spring break - not the beach, because the weather refused to cooperate, and hopefully not the you-know-whos, 'cause who wants to screw up their vacation _that_ way. Cassie told me about the litter of kittens someone had dumped outside their barn, and Jake and Marco told me about the basketball tournament they were playing in. Rachel, who said she was spending most of her time watching her little sisters because her mom had to work, jumped in every once in a while, mostly to give Marco a bad time about his basketball skills - or lack thereof 

"Well," Marco said, and, I swear I could hear the smirk in his voice, "Ax is starting to pace. I think we should leave the two lovebirds alone." 

"Shut up, Marco," Rachel said with an exasperated sigh. "Ax, just pick up the receiver and it'll take Kate off the speaker phone." 

"Thank you, Rachel," Aximili said. I heard the others leave the kitchen. 

"Hi, Aximili. How -" I was interrupted by a large crash in the background and Rachel yelling, "Marco! Get away from that door, you idiot! And put the glass down. That never works!" 

"What are we going to do with them?" I asked, laughing 

"What do you mean?" 

"Never mind. It's just - who ever thought _we'd_ be the normal ones?" 

"I don't know . . ." he answered, sounding a little confused. Sometimes Aximili doesn't understand humor. 

"Are you okay? You sound a little weird." 

"I am physically fine. However, I have already found myself missing you greatly." 

"I miss you, too. But it's not forever. Just a few weeks." 

"Yes, I know." 

I felt funny talking to him over the phone. Before, Aximili and I had talked for hours on everything, but now I couldn't see him. It didn't help that I thought Marco was probably eavesdropping in the other room. So we didn't talk for very long. 

"I love you," he said as we were about to hang up. 

"I love you, too. 'Bye." I placed the phone back on its cradle and sighed. 

**Chapter Two -- Kate**

My days in isolation quickly settled into a mind-numbingly dull routine. Get up at eight, eat the disgusting runny eggs the hospital put in front of me, take my medicine, stare at the phone until my friends called, and do my homework. 

Bunches and bunches of fun. 

I was in isolation for a week and a half before Dr. Lowe pronounced me fit for the transplant. Actually, what she said was, "You're ready to go." I knew that was a euphemism for, "Your immune system's gone and you're totally defenseless," but what she said sounded so much better. I didn't even want to _think_ about the other thing. I was already having enough nightmares. 

Anyhow, about two days after that, my dad had his surgery. My grandmother flew in to be with me so my mom could sit with my dad after he got out. Dr. Lowe said he'd be sore, but not too bad. 

They hooked the plastic bag containing my dad's bone marrow up and attached the IV to the catheter in my arm. I watched it drip down the clear tube as Grandma did a crossword puzzle. I suddenly shivered as I realized that my entire life was banking on a plastic bag. 

"Chinese dynasty," my grandmother said, interrupting my somewhat depressing chain of thought. "Four letters, second letter is an "I"." 

"Ming," I replied. "We just finished them in history class." 

"Thank you." She marked it down and closed the book, setting it on the table next to my bed. "So, your mother told me a young man has been visiting you quite frequently." Aximili had met my mom twice, very briefly - she thought she was a little strange, but sweet. So far, we'd managed to avoid my father, which is how I wanted it. Daddy's Little Girl and whatnot. 

"Grandma," I whined. My grandmother is really cool as grandmothers go - no blue hair or old lady perfume - but I really didn't want to discuss my boyfriend with her, alien or not. 

"What, you don't want to tell your grandmother about your friends?" she asked, sounding offended. 

"No that's not it -" I said. 

"Is he handsome?" 

"Grandma, c'mon - " 

"Nice?" 

"Please -" 

"Is he an idiot?" 

"No -" 

"So tell me about him. I'm sixty-eight years old, I live in a retirement community. All I ever get to hear about is hip replacements and pace maker operations. I need to live vicariously through someone!" 

"Not me," I insisted, shaking my head. 

"You know," she said slowly, giving me a meaningful look. "I don't think your father knows you have a boyfriend." 

"Grandma! That's blackmail!" 

"Yes, it is, and I have naked baby pictures to boot, so quit "grandma-ing" me and start filling me in." 

"There's nothing to fill you in on," I told her, exasperated. _Why can't my grandmother play bridge and act old like everyone else's?_ I wondered. But no. My grandmother had to actually have a life and want to hear about mine. 

"Fine," I finally gave in. "He's cute, sweet, and very, very intelligent." All very, very true. I just happened to leave out the fact that he was a cute, sweet, intelligent alien. 

"Does he go to your school?" 

"No." Also true. 

"How do you know him then?" 

"I met him through my friends." If she kept on like this I might be able to get away without lying. 

Then she ruined it. "What's his name?" 

_Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill_, I thought. "Philip Richardson," I answered, quickly making up a last name. 

"Ah, Philip. Good, solid, normal name." I almost laughed. Oh, yes, Aximili was nothing if not normal. 

Then, right out of the blue, "What religion is he?" 

"Does it really matter?" I replied, not really wanting to answer. Religion was a touchy subject between my parents and my grandmother, and it would not please her that her granddaughter was dating someone who did not believe in God. 

"No, but I'd like to know." 

"He isn't any," I said reluctantly. 

"So he doesn't believe in organized religion? Well, that's fine. He's allowed to make his own decisions about that. As long as he believes in God." 

"Well . . ." 

"Well what? He believes in God, doesn't he?" 

"Grandma, what does it matter? He's wonderful to me." 

She shook her head and started to say something but changed her mind, deciding to make a disapproving noise instead. "Fine, I won't say a word. Whatever makes you happy." 

"Thank you." I watched the bone marrow drip down the IV some more. I swallowed. _One plastic bag_, I thought. 

**Chapter Three -- Kate**

Things went pretty well after that. I didn't catch any infections, and there wasn't any sign of rejection, so they let me out of isolation four weeks after the transplant. Dr. Lowe wanted me in the hospital for another two weeks for observation, though, so I was moved back into a regular room on the oncology floor, but I had to be sure to wear a face mask and gloves to keep out all the little germies. 

The day I moved, I followed my parents into my room, lugging my bag behind me, and was greeted by my friends. "SURPRISE!" they yelled - quietly. My mom and dad grinned at me. 

"Hey!" I said, wishing I wasn't wearing a hospital gown. At least it wasn't one of the ones that's open in back. 

"Congratulations!" Jake said. 

"Thanks. Tell you what," I said, blushing. "I'm gonna go get dressed." I grabbed a pair of jeans and a top from my suitcase and changed in the bathroom. 

"Sorry," I said, coming out. "I wasn't expecting this." 

"You weren't supposed to. The whole point of a surprise party is that it be a _surprise_," Marco reminded me. 

"Okay, okay, okay," I said, shaking my head and smiling. My parents excused themselves to go get a cup of coffee. 

"Hello, Katherine," Aximili said as soon as they'd left. 

"Hi, Aximili," I replied. _Was he that cute the last time I saw him?_ I wondered. He started to kiss me, but I held my hand up. "I'm sorry," I said apologetically. "My parents aren't even allowed to kiss me - not yet. The whole germ thing." 

"I understand," he said with a slightly disappointed smile. 

"So, you're feeling pretty good?" Cassie asked. 

"Yeah, and I am so glad to be back in a regular room. Isolation was incredibly boring. And if I never watch TV again, it'll be way too soon." 

"I'll bet," Rachel laughed. 

"How's school?" 

Marco grinned. "Wait'll you hear this . . ." and launched into a long story about this substitute they'd all had, with the others jumping in to fill in the details. 

"So she's standing at the blackboard, and there're like fifty spitwads on the ceiling, and she _never noticed._ Someone finally hit her with one on the side of the face, and even then she just looked at us with this bizarre expression. Like we were aliens or something. And they were spitwads! Not even that creative! Jeez. What a . . . I don't know, but she was something." 

"And you should have seen the way she dressed." Rachel, of course. "Peach business suit, white blouse, white scarf with beautiful embroidery." 

"Sounds nice," I said. 

"And _purple suede_ shoes," she finished. "That was the first day. The second day was a navy blue suit and a white blouse - with _tye-dyed_ shoes." 

"Tye-dyed?" I repeated incredulously. 

"Tye-dyed," she said. The others looked at me and nodded in agreement. 

"Oh, man. I'm sorry I missed that." 

"We are, too," Jake laughed. Cassie just shook her head. 

"Oh, wait, wait, wait! Marco, tell her about the -" Tobias began. 

"Oh, yeah!" Marco started in on another story, but I wasn't paying attention. 

I'd suddenly felt weird - like the room was drafty even though the window was closed. I shook it off, but I noticed Aximili looking at me strangely. I tried to give him a look to tell him I was fine, but I guess he didn't buy it, because as they were leaving he asked me, "Are you feeling well?" The others had gone into the hallway so he and I could say good-bye privately. "I feel fine. I just got a little chilled." It wasn't the truth, but what could I tell him? 

"Are you certain?" 

"I'm fine," I insisted. 

"All right," he said, finally letting it go after giving me a long look. "What time should I come tomorrow?" 

"Three. I gotta bunch of tests in the morning and you might as well wait until you can come as a human." 

"Than I shall see you at three." He started to move to kiss me, but then stopped, remembering. 

"Love you," I whispered. 

"I love you, too," he replied. 

**Chapter Four -- Kate**

I walked down a hallway in the hospital, peeking into each room. _This isn't oncology_, I thought in confusion. _Where am I?_ I continued down the hallway, unnoticed by the doctors and nurses passing by. At the end was a door with the words "Intensive Care Unit." I pushed it open and went inside. 

I'd been in an ICU before, when Jenny became very sick. The rooms are more like cubicles, with only a curtain instead of a door, because the nurses have to keep a close eye on the patients at all times. I walked slowly down the hallway until I reached the nurses' station. 

"Hi," I said to one of them. She'd been my nurse quite a few times on the oncology floor. But she didn't even look at me, just said good-bye to the person she'd been chatting with and hurried off through the swinging glass doors. 

I shrugged and kept walking, the linoleum cold against my bare feet. Just then, Dr. Lowe came out of one of the rooms and began walking toward me. "Sam, hi! How are -" No response. She brushed past me as if I were invisible. 

This was beyond weird. 

I reached the room Sam had left and pulled back the curtain a little, trying to make out what was inside. 

The room was dark. The shades were drawn, the curtain facing the nurses' station was drawn, and all the lights were off. The only light came from the glowing heart monitor by the bed and the little triangle that leaked in from where I was standing. 

But it was enough light for me to see what I saw. And was I saw was enough to make my heart skip a beat. 

Aximili was sitting in a chair beside the bed, clutching the person's hand and sobbing, absolutely sobbing, sounding almost out of control. I couldn't see the person's face but I knew who it was. And my suspicions were quickly confirmed. 

"Katherine, please, please," he moaned. "Please do not leave me. Please." He was crying in the same gulping, hiccuping way I had when I first told him the cancer had come back. _"Please."_

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. The heart monitor beeped an eerie percussion to the sound of his sobs. 

I went and stood behind him. I was lying completely motionless on the bed, my hand limp in his. I watched his shoulders heave as he desperately begged me to live. I finally put my arms around him, praying he could sense me, hoping it would bring him some kind of comfort. 

He reached for the Rosary by the bed, closed my limp fingers around it, and then gripped my hand in his. "If there is _any_ God in this universe, I am begging you . . . don't let her die. Do not let her die." He broke down again and laid his head on the bed. "Please," he moaned. _"Please."_

I finally woke up, tears streaming down my cheeks. _It was just a dream_ I thought in relief. _A dream._

But it was so real. _Too_ real. I sat up in bed, shaking. I quickly turned on the light, and pulled the covers up to my chin. _No, no. Just another nightmare. Like the others._

But Aximili . . . The thought of him sitting there, all alone in that dark room, begging for my life . . . I fought the tears back. 

I would be fine, I was certain of that. But . . . what if I wasn't? What if I died and left all my friends and family behind? 

I was no longer as afraid for me as I had been, and more afraid for them. I suddenly knew instinctively that I would be fine, one way or the other. I had faith that I would be taken care of . . . but the others . . . especially Aximili . . . 

I caught my breath and looked around the room. My eyes came to rest on the packet of stationary my grandmother had given me. It was light blue, with baby angels and harps and rainbows on it. Very appropriate. 

I went and got my favorite pen, this purple fountain thing I bought in Seattle when I visited my aunt last summer, and dated one of the pages. 

_April 19, 1999_(Author's note to someone _very_ special: note the date) 

I glanced at the clock and added, _2:12 AM_ under it. 

I thought for a moment and began writing. 

_Dear Mom and Dad, _

This is, as they say in books and movies, my last will and testament. Actually, it's my only will and testament, but that's not as dramatic. I have a few things to say, and I want to be able to say them - just in case. 

First thing. If you're reading this I am probably no longer alive. Mom, Dad, I don't want you to grieve forever. I'm not going to tell you not to cry, because I've done plenty of that myself and that wouldn't be fair, but I want you to be able to move on. I'm in Heaven and I want you to be happy. 

Second thing. I don't have a lot of possessions, but what I do own I want you to have with the exception of a few things I'll mention below. Please give my college fund to the Make A Wish Foundation. I want to be buried in the white dress I wore in Maria's quincinera. 

Third thing. Enclosed are six other letters. They are to go to my friends, Cassie, Rachel, Marco, Jake, Tobias, and Philip. It'd probably be easiest for you to just give them all to Cassie. She lives in the farmhouse down the road and she'll see that the others get them 

Fourth thing. The Rosary that Jenny gave me I want to go to Philip. Give it to Cassie, too, and just tell her it's for him. 

Fifth thing. I love you guys so much. Take care of each other, okay? And remember, wherever I am, I'm happy and I will always be with you. 

Love, Katy 

I folded the letter and put it in an envelope, marking it "Mom and Dad" in my best handwriting. I wiped my eyes and reminded myself that this was just a precaution. 

It took me until five in the morning to finish. Finally, I put the last envelope, marked "Philip," in a box with the others and fell asleep. 

**Chapter Five -- Ax**

I flew in through the cracked window as always and demorphed in the bathroom. I quickly morphed to human and stepped into the room, "He -" I began, but stopped very suddenly as I surveyed the room. 

It was empty. 

The blankets on Katherine's had been folded and her things had been removed. I stepped out into the hallway to see if she was outside, but I did not see her. 

"Philip, right?" I turned around and saw the nurse who had helped Katherine the day I'd accompanied her to her chemotherapy. 

"Y - yes," I stammered. 

"I'm Nurse Gallagher. Do you remember me?" 

"Yes. Where is Katherine?" 

She sighed and took my arm, leading me away from the room. "I didn't see you come in or I would have said something to you then." She paused and looked at me solemnly. "Philip, we took Kate down to the Intensive Care Unit this morning." 

I froze. "What? Why?" I stuttered. 

"She spiked a fever about nine o'clock this morning." 

"But - but she was fine yesterday. I saw her." My head spun. Fever. I couldn't think properly, couldn't organize my thoughts. 

Nurse Gallagher nodded. "I know. It happened very unexpectedly." She hesitated. "Look, I'm scheduled to go on my break in five minutes. I was going to go see how she's doing. Usually no one but family is allowed to visit in the ICU, but I think we can make an exception this time. If you want to wait, you can come with me." 

I nodded. "Thank you." 

The nurse left and I sat in one of the chairs, staring at the wall in shock. Suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up and saw the same man who had taken Katherine to her chemotherapy. 

"You the guy who was always visiting Kate?" he asked. 

"Yes," I replied, standing. 

"Then give her this, will you? They moved her out kinda fast this morning and left it behind." He handed me the necklace she had shown me, the Rosary with the wooden beads. 

"Thank you," I said. 

"Make sure she gets it. And tell her Andy hopes she gets better real soon." 

"I will," I promised. 

"Okay, Philip, you ready?" Nurse Gallagher said. 

"Yes." I followed her into an elevator, which is a device humans use to travel from floor to floor in tall buildings. This time, we traveled upward several floors. She led me off the elevator, down a hall, and finally through a set of door with the words "Intensive Care Unit" printed on them. She spoke with the nurses at the desk for several moments and then motioned for me to follow. 

We entered a room with a curtain drawn across the entrance. Katherine was lying in the bed with a machine nearby, apparently monitoring her heart. 

"Her parents were here earlier," Nurse Gallagher said. "But they left a few minutes ago." I nodded. There were two chairs beside the bed, and she sat in one, motioning for me to sit in the other. 

Neither of us spoke, though I noticed Nurse Gallagher moving her lips silently. She stayed for about ten minutes, but finally she stood and said, "I have to go. Do you want to stay?" I nodded again. "Okay, but not too long. You're technically not supposed to be here." 

Just then, Dr. Lowe entered. "Hello, Marian," she greeted Nurse Gallagher. 

"Hi, Samantha. I have to go. I'll talk to you later." 

"Sure. 'Bye." The nurse left, and Dr. Lowe picked up Katherine's chart and studied one of the machines. She looked at me. "And your name is . . .?" 

"Philip," I said. 

"Nice to finally meet you. I've seen you around and Kate's mentioned you, but I don't think we've had a chance to actually be introduced." I nodded. She looked at me for a few seconds, watching me stare at Katherine, and then returned to making notations on her chart. 

"She's pretty special to you, isn't she?" she asked, setting the chart on top of the monitor. 

"Yes," I replied. "How did you know?" 

"Because," she answered. She sat in the chair across from me. "The look on your face. And the fact that you visited her every day you were allowed to. Not many guys do that." 

I nodded again, but I did not feel like talking. "Well," she said after a few moments, standing, "I need to get back up to oncology." 

I tried to bring myself to ask the question that was burning inside of me before she left. "Is she going to get well?" I finally managed as she began to leave. 

She turned back to face me. "It's hard to say at this point. Her immune system is down, and this virus she has is really brutal. But we're doing everything we can." 

"But do you believe she will recover?" 

"Like I said. It's hard to say." I looked at her. She sighed. "She is very, very sick," she finally admitted. I stared at the heart monitor. 

She stood looking at me silently for a approximately a minute. Then I said, my voice hollow, "Dr. Lowe?" 

"Yes?" 

"I - I love her." I lowered my head into my hands I tried to fight back the tears. 

She crossed the room and put her hand on my shoulder. "Philip, medicine is very unpredictable. Kate came so far, so fast, so easily with the transplant - I honestly thought she was out of danger. I never in a thousand years would have predicted this. So nothing I predict now really means anything. All I can promise you is that I will do the everything I can to help her." 

"I know. Thank you," I whispered. She squeezed my shoulder gently in a gesture of comfort and left. 

I was alone in the room with Katherine. "Hello, Katherine," I said. It was illogical - I knew she was not capable of hearing me, but it made me feel better emotionally to speak to her aloud. "Andy asked me to tell that he hopes you feel better very soon, and to give you this." I held the Rosary up and put it on the table by her bed. "Katherine -" I took her hand and squeezed it, hoping she would squeeze back, but there was no response. I suddenly felt as if a cold hand was tightening its grip on my single human heart. True despair surfaced in my mind for the first time since she became ill. "Katherine, please, please." The tears I had managed to restrain earlier filled my eyes and began running down my cheeks as I felt my throat constrict painfully. "Please do not leave me. Please. _Please._," I pleaded, despite the difficulty I had in speaking. 

_She can't die_, I thought desperately. _She can't!_ I stroked her hand and kissed it, trying to stir a reaction, _any_ reaction. But she remained limp. I clutched her hand as if it were my only thread of life left - and, I thought, maybe it was. I had finally found someone who seemed to understand me, and I since I fell in love with her, I hadn't felt as if I were the only one of my kind on Earth - even though I was. How would I ever be able to survive losing Katherine? 

I suppose that at that point, pure logic failed me. I was too distressed and overwrought to reasonably process the information. Instead, I reached for something completely illogical - the Rosary that seemed to hold so much meaning for Katherine. I opened her fingers and closed them around it, grasping her hand in mine. And for the first time in my life, I prayed. I had never wanted anything so much as I did right then. That was all I wanted - Katherine alive and well. 

But it was not to be. 

Two days later, with her parents and the other Animorphs there, Katherine died. I was holding her hand again, praying for a miracle. 

But I suppose that miracles do not happen. 

Cassie was crying, her face buried in Prince Jake's shoulder. Marco and Rachel were more depressed than openly grieving. Tobias sat in a chair, apart from the others, and gazed at the wall. 

Katherine's mother was inconsolable. Her father seemed to be blaming himself for the failure of the transplant, though it was most certainly not his fault. 

Dr. Lowe had told us to prepare ourselves for the worst. I tried, but I could not let myself believe she would die. It simply did not make sense for Katherine, beautiful, kind, happy Katherine, to die. 

I had called a meeting after Katherine was moved to the Intensive Care Unit and informed the others of her condition. 

"What?" Cassie had said in disbelief. "No! She - she was fine when we saw her!" 

"What happened?" Rachel said. 

I had shaken my head. "I do not know. But even Dr. Lowe admitted that she is gravely ill." 

"She'll be fine," Prince Jake had insisted several times. "She'll pull through. It might be scary for a little while, but she'll be fine." 

I had believed him. And now . . . 

I wasn't crying. I had cried already, the day I'd sat alone with her and begged God to let her live. 

But he did not answer my prayers. And I knew there was no God. 

_Only children believe in something they are not capable of proving,_ I reminded myself bitterly. 

"It's only a matter of time," Dr. Lowe had said sadly. 

At least she would not die alone, as she had feared. 

And finally, after an eternity of listening to the slow rhythm of the heart monitor, it turned into a high-pitched shriek and the jagged peaks on the screen became a flat, steady line. 

And my heart did not break. It shattered into a million pieces. 

**Chapter Six -- Ax**

I cannot recall how I arrived home the evening of Katherine's death, but I awoke the next morning in my Andalite body in my own scoop. I twisted my stalk eyes around for a moment, feeling disoriented, and saw Tobias sitting in a tree just outside. 

^Hello, Tobias.^ 

^Hi, Ax-man,^ he said gently. ^How're you holding up?^ 

I closed my eyes for a moment. ^Then it was not simply a dream.^ 

^I'm afraid not. How are you feeling?^ 

I didn't answer. I felt terrible, even worse than when I received news of Elfangor's death. I wished desperately that it was all a horrible nightmare I could wake up from, but I knew it wasn't. The physical pain I felt in my chest was too sharp, too real for me to believe it was all a dream. 

^Why?^ I finally asked, repeating the question she'd asked me when she first told me of . . . of . . . I could not think about it. ^Why?^ I repeated, more strongly and angrily. 

^I don't know,^ Tobias answered honestly. 

I suddenly felt anger boiling up inside of me. It was so much easier to be angry, to blame someone, than to deal with the grief. ^Why are humans so stupid?!^ I exploded. ^It is not that difficult to cure cancer!^ 

^Ax -^ 

^Shut up!^ I cried, furious. ^If she had been on my homeworld she would still be alive!^ 

^Ax -^ he began again, sounding startled. 

^She died because humans are too backward to understand how to cure a simple illness!^ 

^Ax, shut up and listen! You can't do this!^ he said, not angrily, but forcefully enough to make me listen. ^You can't blame the entire human race for Kate's death.^ 

^Why not?^ I answered hotly. 

^Because all you're doing is covering up the pain, that's why.^ I looked away in anger. 

^Look,^ he said, more gently. ^The funeral is Friday. We're all gonna go, okay?^ 

I nodded sullenly. ^Jake called a meeting this afternoon. He thought it might help if we all got together,^ he added. ^Do you want to come?^ 

I shook my head fervently. No. I did not want to face the others or discuss it with them. I could barely manage to discuss it with Tobias and he was my _shorm_, my deepest friend. 

^All right,^ he said understandingly. ^You have to do what you have to do right now.^ 

I nodded again. 

**Chapter Seven -- Tobias**

Kate's funeral was two days later. We went and sat in the back pew of the church because we wanted to be able to get Ax out fast if he totally lost it. I didn't think he would, though. He'd spent enough time losing it the two days before the funeral. I couldn't get him to leave his scoop for anything, even to eat. I dragged him (almost literally) every once in awhile to the stream and made him drink so he wouldn't get dehydrated, but I don't think he cared. I think he was privately wishing to die so he wouldn't have to feel anything any more. 

Ax and I met with the others at Cassie's barn before the funeral. He and I both wore borrowed suits, and we all were dressed in dark, somber colors. We went to the funeral together even though we usually try not to look like a group. We were sad, to say the least, and not really thinking much about security. 

The funeral was . . . very nice, which is the only word I can think of to describe the funeral of a fourteen year-old girl. But it _was_ nice, with lots of flowers. Her mother gave a beautiful eulogy, and I don't know how she did it without collapsing. She looked close to it the whole time. 

It was open casket, and afterwards when people were going up I asked Ax if he wanted to see her. He nodded, but no one else wanted to. Cassie was a mess, had been the whole time, and Jake said he was taking her home. Marco and Rachel went with them, so Ax and I sat there and waited for the crowd at the front to clear. 

"You okay?" I asked. He nodded, swallowing hard. He hadn't cried at all during the funeral, unlike Cassie, just stared straight ahead like a stone. 

Finally, it seemed to thin out as more people left. We got up and walked to the front. 

She looked as if she was asleep, with her face relaxed and her short hair falling softly across her face. She wore a white lace dress with long sleeves, and her hands were crossed over her chest. I heard Ax's breath catch in his throat and turned to see a tear slowly trickling down his cheek. 

"She is beautiful," he managed. 

"Yeah," I agreed softly. She was, too. 

We stood there until we were the only ones left. Then Ax turned to look at me and said, "Tobias . . ." 

I nodded and walked out of the building into the afternoon sun, leaving him alone to say whatever he wanted. 

I looked up at the blue sky and white clouds. Overhead I saw a peregrine falcon soar and then plummet into a dive. Only there was something very odd about this bird. It didn't dive to kill, just seemed to be diving for the pleasure of it, swooping down a few hundred feet and then climbing up again. 

But falcons didn't do that. Birds-of-prey are fairly intelligent, but they don't have much of a sense of fun. 

_Is it Jake?_ I wondered. But it was a long walk to Cassie's house. They wouldn't be there, yet, much less have had time to morph. No, it wasn't Jake. 

I watched the falcon climb again, soar for a few moments and dive. I smiled, suddenly certain. 

"Good-bye, Kate," I said quietly. 

Don't worry, that's not the end. I wouldn't just leave you like that. 


	5. Chapter Five: The Letters

**Kate #5**

**_The Letters_**

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Couple things. For all the people who wanted me to bring Kate back to life, I decided to go halfway. When I started thinking about it, I realized that I didn't want her totally gone either, so this is what I came up with. (And yes, I know Ruby did it, but I asked her if I could, and she said she didn't have a problem with it.) 

The lyrics in Tobias's letter are from "Time In a Bottle" by Jim Crochey. (I think.), and, of course, the great Kermit the Frog. 

Thanks again, Kat, for helping me out. And thanks, Ali, for reading the first few chapters and assuring me that it wasn't completely stupid. And thanks to everyone who reads this, for being patient with me getting it up, and . . . happy reading. ^i^ (That's an angel in case it isn't real clear in your font.) 

**Chapter One - Ax **

Her name was Katherine. 

She was a human. 

And I loved her. 

I whispered that as I stood alone by her casket. "I love you," I repeated. "I did not believe it was possible for me to love a human - or an Andalite - the way I loved you." I looked at her. She was so beautiful, it was difficult, almost impossible, for me to believe she was dead. But when I gently touched her hand it was stiff and lifeless and cold. Katherine had been none of those things. 

"Why did you leave me?" I finally said, my voice choked. "How could you? How could you leave me alone?" I was not being logical, and I knew it. It was not her fault, it was not anyone's fault, but it was easier to be angry than face the bitter sadness I was feeling. "There wasn't even an opportunity to say good-bye." The two people who had mattered most to me in my life - my brother and my . . . Katherine - were both dead and I had not had the chance to say good-bye to either of them. 

I knew I had to leave. I was the only person left and my morph time was low, but I could not bear to leave her side. It was the last time I would see her face. I would never kiss her again, never touch her or speak to her. Tears were trickling down my already damp face. 

It was not fair that she was dead. It was not fair that I had known her love only to have it ripped from me. It was not fair that we would never again be together. "It is not fair," I said aloud, as I watched a tear drop from my face and land on the white artificial skin she wore. 

"Ax," I heard Tobias say urgently from the back of the building. We had only five minutes left in our morphs. And I didn't care. I would gladly have trapped myself as a human to bring her back. I would have done anything to bring her back. 

"Ax, we have to find a place to . . ." Tobias did not finish his sentence. 

"I don't want to," I replied. Why? Elfangor was gone and I would never avenge his death, I saw that now. Katherine was gone . . . what else was there for me? 

"Ax-man, don't do this. Not now. I know you're in pain, probably more than I can imagine, and I know you're not thinking straight, but if you trap yourself as a human, when you wake up tomorrow, Kate'll still be gone. It won't bring her back. And we need you to fight with us." 

I said nothing, but even in my broken state I could not find it in me to let my friends down. And in my hearts I knew Tobias was correct. So I nodded and whispered, "I love you," for the last time. 

**Chapter Two - Kate **

Sleep. That's all I remember. 

I was so tired. Tired from fighting and worrying. And I could finally sleep without nightmares. Instead, I had wonderful dreams about flying. I was in my falcon morph, and it was as vivid as if it were actually happening. 

I could see Tobias on the ground below, smiling up at me. He waved once, and then disappeared into a building. And the dream faded. 

I slept for what seemed like a long time. But suddenly, I wasn't asleep anymore. I was awake and in a realm of white emptiness. There was nothing, absolutely nothing. 

Except a man. 

He was about thirty, with dark hair and laughing eyes. He looked a little like Marco might look when he grows up. 

"Hello, Katherine," he said kindly. 

"Hi. Um, two question. First of all - am I . . . still dead?" 

"Yes." 

"And second - who are you?" 

"A friend. A friend of you and the Powers That Be," he said with a smile, pointing upward. 

"Oh. And you are here because . . ." 

"I'm here to give you a choice. On Earth, it is three days after your death. Your funeral was yesterday. Now, so far you have not been to Heaven. Souls are generally awarded a resting period while we figure out what's going on." 

"And that's what's been going on? I've been resting?" 

"Yes. But now you have a choice. Continue to Heaven or return to Earth as a spirit." 

"Forever?" 

"No, just until you decide it is time for you to leave. But once you go to Heaven you cannot return to Earth except in someone's dreams." 

I opened my mouth to speak, but he held his hand up. "Before you decide, I must tell you that not everyone is given this opportunity. Most souls, after the usual resting period, are sent straight to Heaven." 

"So why do I have a choice?" 

He shrugged. "I don't know. I'm just the messenger. But it is usually because you have some unfinished business or something you must do." 

"Unfinished business?" 

He shrugged. "Again, I don't know. Think about it. I will return shortly." He disappeared. 

I thought about it. It would be nice to see Aximili again and make sure he was handling everything okay. And my parents . . . I wanted to be sure they would be fine, too. 

So I waited . . . and waited . . . and waited. Finally, he reappeared. 

"I thought you said you'd be back shortly," I said impatiently. 

"Ahh, you're still on Earth time." He shook his head. "That's what I hated most when I was alive. It's an absolute rat race down there. Rushing here, rushing there. No time to stop and enjoy anything. Heaven was such a relief." 

"Well, rat race or no rat race, I've decided to go back to Earth." 

"I thought as much. There are a few rules, though." 

"Such as?" 

"You are invisible - to most people anyway. You may walk through walls and move faster than humans can, but you also cannot pick an object up and someone you touch will feel you only as a chill. Unless they are a true believer." 

Well, that shot that. Aximili didn't believe in anything that couldn't be scientifically proven and my parents . . . well, who knew with them? But it was better than nothing. 

"Are you ready?" he asked. 

"Well, it's not as if I have to pack." 

He smiled. And I was suddenly surrounded by trees. 

**Chapter Three - Tobias **

"Ax, listen to me," I said, firmly planting myself in front of him. "You can't do this." 

He glared at me with all four of his eyes. 

"Ax," Cassie said desperately, grabbing his arm. "You haven't eaten in three days. You won't talk to anyone. You have to snap out of this!" 

He didn't answer. 

I sighed and gave up for the moment, walking away to stare up into the sky and listen to Cassie keep after him. 

"Ax," she said, trying to get him to look at her. "You can't just curl up and die. That's the last thing Kate would have wanted." 

He didn't answer. Finally he managed, ^I know. However, I cannot . . . It is so difficult . . .^ 

"I know," Cassie said, gently stroking the back of his neck. "I know. But you have to eat.." He nodded but didn't move. She sighed and came over next to me. 

"And he's been like this the whole time?" she whispered. 

"Three days," I replied. "He hasn't eaten anything. I've been dragging him out to the stream every once in awhile so he won't get dehydrated, but I can't force him to run and eat." 

"Is he sleeping?" 

I shrugged. "Not last night. Maybe a little the night before." 

"Oh, man. He's going to make himself sick. What are we going to do?" 

"I don't know." 

"Well," she said checking her watch. "I'll be back out later. I have to go do some stuff at the Center." 

"Okay. 'Bye." She took off and I sighed and flicked on the television. 

**Chapter Four - Kate **

I watched Tobias literally shove Aximili out of the scoop and down the hill to the stream. He grabbed his leg and put it in the water. Aximili continued to be just as spaced out and uncommunicative as before. I sat on a rock by the stream and watched him. 

He looked so different. Thinner, for one thing, because he hadn't been eating, but also something else. I guess . . . melancholy would be the best word. Like his spirit had been crushed. This is going to sound corny as anything, but the light in his eyes had gone out. And that's what got me the most. His light was gone. 

I waited until it was dusk and Tobias had left to hunt. Cassie had come back like she said, and left again. I sat on the floor of Aximili's scoop and watched him stare at the ground. 

"Aximili, don't do this to yourself," I said. Of course, I got no response whatsoever, but I kept trying anyway. "Please." I reached out and touched his hand. He shivered. 

I spent the night in his scoop, watching him slip in and out of sleep. I remembered the man saying something about me being able to enter his dreams . . . or I thought I did . . . but I wasn't sure. So I sat in a corner with my knees pulled up to my chest and watched him. 

The next day I visited Cassie in the barn. I perched on one of the high overhead beams where Tobias usually sat and swung my legs back and forth. "Hi, Cassie," I said. She was raking some dirty hay, silently. But there was something different about her, too. She was working more slowly, and her mouth looked like it was turned down at the corners a little in an unhappy distortion of her face. Finally, she dropped the rake and sank to the ground, putting her face in her hands. 

"Kate," she said. I dropped to the ground from about fifteen feet up. It should have killed my knees, but I didn't even feel it. I sat next to her. "I wish you were here. Ax's heart is completely broken, and I don't know if he'll ever be able to get past this . . . and I miss you. We all do." She shook her head. "I almost feel like you're here." 

"I am," I said. "I _am_." But she couldn't hear me. I flung myself face down in the hay in frustration. 

_Maybe I shouldn't have come back,_ I thought. _What good am I doing anyone? None. I'm doing nothing. I can't do anything._ I watched Cassie work for a few more minutes, giving a raccoon its medication and checking a wolf's bandages. 

Suddenly, she and I were both startled by a knock at the barn door. And I nearly shot through the ceiling when I saw who it was. 

My mother. 

I hadn't been to see my parents yet, probably because I was a coward. I mean, I hadn't expected Aximili to be taking it so bad, and Cassie seemed pretty upset, too. And if _they_ were like that - well, I really didn't want to find out what my parents were like. So I hadn't gone, even though I should have. 

But now, here my mom was. 

She, too, looked thin, and she had dark circles under her eyes, which were rimmed with red. She was wearing her oldest jeans and a pink sweatshirt I'd given her when I was about four-years-old and my dad and I had gone Mother's Day shopping together. She hated the color pink, and I'd seen her wear it about twice - once to paint the house and once to clean out the gutters. So I was surprised to see it now. 

"Cassie, right?" my mom asked, her voice husky. 

"Yes," Cassie answered. "Hi, Mrs. ________." 

"Hi, Cassie. Um, I came by for a couple reasons. The first thing is . . . I wanted to thank you for giving Katy so much support while she was sick. It meant a lot to her." 

"Well, she meant a lot to us. We did everything we could." 

"Thank you. Her other friends from the city were not as understanding." Cassie nodded. "Um, the second reason I came is that I found some things while I was going through Katy's things from the hospital." My eyes widened as I saw my mother hold out my six letters to my friends and the wooden Rosary. "There's one to each of your little group. And this," she added, handing Cassie the Rosary, "is supposed to go to Philip." 

"Philip?" Cassie repeated quizzically. Then, "Oh, yes. I'll make sure he gets it." 

"Thank you." 

"How - how are you doing?" Cassie asked hesitantly. 

"As well as can be expected I suppose. My mother has been staying with us, and my husband's sister, so they've been helping us just get through, little by little." 

"That's good," Cassie said. 

"Yes, we're lucky. And another thing that has just been a Godsend is the Sharing." My head snapped up from staring at the floor. 

Cassie looked startled, but recovered quickly and said, "The Sharing?" 

"Oh, yes. They've been wonderful. For some reason, Katy never enjoyed it, but they've been so supportive of us." 

Cassie nodded. "That's great." 

"Well," my mom said. "I have to go." 

"Oh, thank you. And if you need anything, just ask." 

"Thanks." Mom left. 

I paced. The Sharing was a Yeerk front organization. My parents were vulnerable right now . . . if they became Controllers . . . I wondered how much damage an angry spirit could do to Visser Three, the leader of the Yeerk invasion. 

Cassie, meanwhile, was looking at the envelopes and the Rosary she held in her hand. "Kate," she said. "I don't know if you can hear me, but if you can - I promise you that we'll do everything we can to keep them from your parents. Everything." 

**Chapter Five - Ax **

I was standing in my scoop, my mind half-shrouded in sleep, when Tobias landed in a branch on a nearby tree. 

^Hey, Ax. Sorry to wake you, but Cassie called a meeting,^ he said, noisily arranging his feathers. 

^I was not sleeping. And I do not wish to attend the meeting,^ I replied shortly. 

^Ax-man, you have to leave sometime. You can't wallow like this forever.^ 

^Are you under the impression that this is something I chose?^ I responded. ^I did not. And I cannot, as you said, "snap out of it." I am not attending the meeting.^ 

^Yes, you are,^ he answered firmly. 

^No.^ 

^Yes. You're going if I have to drag you there bodily.^ 

^I would enjoy watching you attempt to physically force me,^ I answered, knowing he was not strong enough to lift me. 

^Really.^ 

Several minutes later, I was being carried by a large gorilla. 

^Marco, I am very angry at you,^ I said tersely, trying to twitch my tail free of his vise-like grip. However, gorillas have very strong arms, far stronger than an Andalite's, and he held my tail in a position from which it could not be freed. 

^Yeah, Ax, well, it's about time someone hauled your butt out of that scoop. Tobias, am I clear?^ Marco paused at the edge of the forest. 

^Yeah, you're clear. Cassie just opened the back door of the barn.^ Marco continued until we were safely in the barn. He then allowed me to fall to floor in an ungracious heap. 

I stood up quickly, my pride slightly injured. 

"Well, well, well," Rachel said, crossing her arms. "He's back among the living." 

^Shut up, Rachel,^ I replied. 

"Enough," Jake said. "Both of you." Rachel fell silent. He sighed. "Hi, Ax. How are you doing?" 

^I am fine, Prince Jake,^ I lied stiffly. 

"Sure you're fine," Marco said, now fully demorphed. "Which is why I had to carry you here." 

"Come on, leave Ax alone," Cassie said, coming to stand next to me. "You guys could be a little more sympathetic." 

Everyone was silent. Finally Marco said, "Cassie's right. We're really sorry, Ax." 

"Yeah, I didn't mean it," Rachel said, truly looking regretful. Her icy blue eyes softened slightly. 

^I understand,^ I said, but I positioned myself as far from Rachel and Marco as possible. 

"Okay. Cassie. You called the meeting. What's up?" 

"Kate's mom dropped by today." 

Once more, there was silence. 

"What'd she say?" Rachel asked. 

"Well, first of all she wanted to thank us for being so nice to Kate and everything. But she also had something to give us." Cassie retrieved something from on top of one of the bales of hay. "She said she'd found these letters to us in Kate's stuff from the hospital. And she asked me to give this to Ax." She let the wooden Rosary dangle from her fingers. 

I stared at it, images of Katherine flashing through my mind. ^I don't want it.^ 

"What do you mean?" Cassie asked, shocked. 

^It was a symbol to Katherine, a sign of something she had faith in. But it is meaningless.^ 

"But she left it to you," Rachel said. 

^I do not care. It means nothing!^ I took the Rosary from Cassie and dashed it to the ground. I closed my eyes and waited for the sound of the wooden beads scattering across the floor, but there was none. I looked down to see it lying unharmed. 

Cassie and the others stared at me. ^I am leaving,^ I said, starting toward the door. 

"Wait, Ax!" she said. "There's more. She said that the Sharing had been giving them a lot of help." 

I turned back. ^Oh, man,^ Tobias said. ^This just the type of thing they prey on, too.^ 

"Yeah," Rachel agreed, becoming angry. "I can't believe it! Their daughter just died and the Yeerks are probably planning to make them Controllers within the next week!" 

^They are the Yeerks,^ I told her harshly. ^They have no pity.^ 

"I think we should talk to Erek," Marco said. "He could probably tell us if they're planning to infest them." 

^I have no doubt that they are,^ I said darkly. 

"Still, I don't want to make a trip to the Yeerk pool if it isn't absolutely necessary," Prince Jake replied. "Marco, call Erek tonight." 

"Yes, sir!" Marco answered, mocking Prince Jake. 

Prince Jake shook his head with a smile. "Okay, tomorrow afternoon we meet back here to find out what Erek has to say." 

^Very well, Prince Jake.^ I left quickly, ignoring Cassie as she called, "Wait, Ax, your letter!" 

I did not want my letter from Katherine. I did not want the Rosary she left me. I only wanted her. 

**Chapter Six - Kate**

I watched Aximili leave, and vacillated as whether or not to follow him. But I saw Tobias quickly swoop out of the barn after him, and knew that he was taken care of. Anyhow, as I had discovered yesterday, I could do nothing for him. All that would result from my efforts to comfort him would be frustration. 

So I stayed with the others in the barn. Marco and Jake both picked up their letters and left. I stood in the doorway to the barn and listened to them. 

"Remember to call Erek tonight," Jake reminded Marco as he picked his bike up from where it was lying on the ground. 

"As if I could forget. Look, I'll probably call him about eight. I'll give you a ring afterwards and let you know what's going on." 

"Great. I'll talk to you then." Jake rode off. Marco, who had not ridden his bike to the barn, morphed an osprey and took the high road home. 

I went back inside and flopped on a hay pile by the door. "You want to stay for dinner?" Cassie asked Rachel. 

"Sure." 

Cassie stopped. There were four letters left, lying on the bale of hay. "Tobias left his." 

"I know. He'll get it later. He's got his hands - or, talons, I guess - full right now." Rachel leaned over and picked up my Rosary. "I can't believe Ax didn't want this." 

Cassie shrugged. "He isn't interested in much of anything right now." 

"But it was Kate's!" 

She shrugged again. "I think he'll want it eventually. Until then, I'll keep it safe." She took it from Rachel and slipped it in the pocket of her overalls. 

"Eventually. If he doesn't starve himself to death first." 

"Well, how would you feel if Tobias died? And added to that, how would you feel if you were the only human on Earth? I mean, Ax was lonely for a long time. And I actually think he'd gotten used to it. But then Kate came along and he wasn't so lonely anymore. Then she died. And now he's back to square one, only it's harder. _And_ he has to deal with the pain of losing someone he loved." 

Rachel shook her head. "I know. I know why he's hurting so badly. But it's still so weird seeing him like that. I mean, he's always in control. Always. No emotion." 

"Well, he's not a machine. It had to show up sometime." Cassie finished giving a raccoon its water and stripped off her work gloves. "I'm done. Let's go." 

I followed them up to Cassie's house and into her room. Cassie was carrying the four letters and she put them carefully on the nightstand with the Rosary. Rachel sat in the desk chair and Cassie lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling. I sat cross-legged on top of the computer and watched from above. 

"Do you want to read yours?" Cassie asked after a few minutes of silence. 

"Do you?" Rachel replied. 

"I think so . . ." 

"Me too." Rachel got up and retrieved the letters from the nightstand and handed Cassie's to her. They looked at each other and simultaneously tore open the envelopes. 

**Chapter Seven - Cassie**

The first thing I noticed was the stationary. It was so pretty, light blue with pictures of angels and rainbows. Almost too appropriate. 

I stared at the page and realized I had never seen Kate's handwriting before. It was easy to read, and the pen she used must have had a special nib that made is look like swirly, loopy calligraphy. I looked up to take a deep breath before reading. Rachel was looking at me. 

"The stationary," she said, simply and sadly. I nodded. 

_Dear Cassie, _

If you're reading this, I'm no longer with you. But that's okay. I know I'm going to be taken care of, one way or the other, so I'm not afraid. 

First of all, thank you for being such a great friend. Thanks for being there and listening to me babble the night Aximili and I kissed for the first time. Thank you for coming to visit as much as I let you. It meant so much to me, because I know how uncomfortable it must have been at times. 

Secondly, take care of Jake. I know what it's like to grow up fast, and he's had to do that in a major way. He needs you - but why am I telling you this? It's not anything you don't already know. In any case, he needs you, as much as you need him. 

Third, you and the others have an incredibly important and difficult job to do. (But, again, why am I telling you this? You know it better than anybody.) I wanted to tell you that I wish I could have been a part of it, but I suppose it was not meant to be. I know from talking to you that you often have trouble with doing certain things to hurt the Yeerks. That's good, Cassie. That's who you are. As long as you can't kill without mourning the killed, or morph a sentient creature without feeling a pang of guilt, you'll still be you. It may make fighting more difficult, but when the war is over, and the Yeerks are gone - and I have faith that that will happen someday - you'll be able to live with the decisions you made and the person you have become. 

Well, I don't know if you'll ever read this letter. Truthfully, I hope not. I hope to recover and get out of the hospital, and fight with you guys for a long time - or a short time, however long it takes to kick Yeerk butt. But, if you read this letter, remember that I'm always watching over you guys. 

Love, Kate 

I reread the letter, trying to keep my tears from blotching the ink. But one hit the page and I watched the purple bleed through the paper. 

**Chapter Eight - Rachel**

I sat holding my letter for a moment. Kate and I had talked several times over the phone while she was in isolation, and I knew Cassie had as well. I'd gotten to know her pretty well, but I hadn't expected this. Finally, after watching Cassie read hers for about a minute, I forced myself to look down at the paper I held in my hand. 

_Dear Rachel, _

Well, hello. I've begun the rest of my letters with "If you're reading this, I'm probably no longer with you," but I'm tired of that. It's like always starting a story with "My name is . . ." 

Anyhow, I have some stuff I want to say, just in case. I hope you'll never read this, but if you do, here it is. 

Rachel, you are one of the most interesting people I've ever met. My dad used to say that my calling was psychology - I automatically start analyzing people the second I meet them. And while I never got to actually fight with you, from what I've gathered from my conversations with you and the others, especially Marco, you are a natural warrior. You love the excitement of a battle. But I don't think that deep down you love the killing. And you need to make sure that in the course of this war, you don't lose sight of yourself or what you believe. Cassie worries about you, about what you'll become when this war is over. I think you will be fine so long as you don't completely lose sight of Rachel, the old Rachel from before. Because when this war is over, you'll probably have to find something else. And don't let the war make you hard. You're not hard, Rachel, not really. My uncle fought in Vietnam and he let war make him hard. My dad said he used to be funny and kind, and he was never the same again. Don't let that happen to you, Rachel. 

Okay, enough of that. Next up: Tobias. You two will probably be the most changed by the war and you'll need each other no matter what happens. So I'm telling you what I told Cassie and Jake - take care of each other. Love isn't easy anyway, and you have the responsibility of the entire world on your shoulders, which makes everything tougher. Just . . . don't ever give up. 

I reread this letter and just realized something. I didn't know most of this about you until I wrote it. I don't know where this is coming from, but anyhow, take care . . . Xena. 

Love, Kate 

I lowered the letter and looked at Cassie. "Are you okay?" I asked. 

"Yeah," she answered, her voice wobbling. "Did you see the date?" 

I hadn't noticed the date in the upper right-hand corner of the page. April 19th. Below it was written the time: 3:26 AM. 

"That was three days before she died. The night - or morning, I guess - before she got sick." 

I stared at her. "She knew," I whispered. 

Cassie nodded. "She kept saying how it was just in case. I think she was trying to convince herself that everything would be okay, but she knew something was wrong." 

The paper in my hand was shaking. "Oh, my God. Can you imagine _knowing_?" 

Cassie shook her head sadly. 

"I feel like she's here," I said quietly. And for awhile, there were three people in Cassie's room. 

**Chapter Nine - Kate**

I left Cassie's soon after. They were eating dinner with her family - and _I_ was starting to wonder why I'd been given the opportunity to come back. I mean, they seemed to have felt me when we were Cassie's room, but that probably had more to do with the letters than me actually being there. 

I checked the clock in the kitchen as I left. I wanted to be at Marco's tonight when he called Erek. 

I wandered down the road a little and stopped in front of my house. The driveway was empty and I knew the garage was still filled to the ceiling with packing boxes from the move. When I was in the hospital, Mom had mentioned it was driving her crazy not being able to put the car in the garage, but there was no time to clean it up. 

But then again, this was Mom. In times of stress, she goes on cleaning and cooking binges. After my grandfather died, we had five gallons of frozen homemade vegetable soup in our freezer and the house was spotless. It was quite possible it was spic-n-span in there. 

But I couldn't get in to see if anyone was home. 

Or could I? 

That guy had said I could walk through walls. I looked at the garage door. The thought gave me the creeps, but I wanted to try it out. 

I walked forward and hesitantly placed my hand against the wood. I thought about pushing my hand _through_ the door instead of stopping at the surface . . . and suddenly, with a suction feeling and a puff of air, my hand was through. 

I stared at it and swallowed. Oh, that had to have been the single weirdest moment of my life. Or, my existence, rather. Even weirder than the first time I saw Jake turning into a dog at the Sharing meeting. 

The Sharing. 

That reminded me about why I wanted to be at Marco's at eight o'clock. And why I wanted to get inside the house. 

But my hand wasn't doing much by itself so I slowly stepped through the door. 

And I changed my mind. Putting your hand through a door is nothing. Putting your entire body, solid or not, through a door is much, much, _much_ weirder. 

I felt like my face was being sucked by a vacuum cleaner and I could hear wind rushing past my ears - which was really strange, considering I was _inside a door_ at the time. Anyhow, I pushed myself through and found myself on my butt on the garage floor. I fell back. You wouldn't think spirits would get tired (I hadn't been, despite not sleeping all night), but _that_ tired me out. 

While I rested I looked around. Piled to almost to the ceiling were the packing boxes. On a hunch, I dragged myself to my feet and opened up the freezer door. (For some reason we have a fridge inside the house and in the garage, even though the one in the garage is really crappy). 

Sure enough. Nine gallon-sized Tupperware containers marked _Veggie Soup_ had been placed on the top shelf. Mom and Dad were going to be eating soup for months. 

But no one was home and that was what I'd wanted to find out. 

I turned back to the garage door. I really didn't want to have to pass through the door again, but it didn't look like I had any other options. I sighed and decided that if I did it more slowly this time, maybe it wouldn't wear me out as much. 

Unfortunately, it had other plans. 

I stepped through and it spit me out on the other end, leaving me sprawled on the driveway. 

Five minutes later, I was recovered enough to head to Marco's house. It was about seven-thirty by that time, but lucky for me I could move faster than a human and it only took me about three minutes to get there. But that sapped my energy, too, and of course I had to go through the door to get inside, so I lay on their couch with my eyes closed listening to Marco and his dad talk while they ate dinner. 

"How was school?" Marco's dad asked. 

"Fine," Marco replied. 

"Is your homework done?" 

"Yep." 

"Jeez, what great conversationalists," I remarked sarcastically. 

"How are you doing? I mean, with your friend Kate and everything." 

"Fine." 

"If there's anything you want to talk about, you know you can always talk to me." 

"Sure," Marco replied in a voice that was meant to humor his father. 

They ate for awhile, not really talking. "Typical males," I muttered to myself. 

Finally, Marco excused himself. "Dad? I have to make a phone call. I'll do the dishes afterwards." 

"'Kay. I have some work to do." Marco's dad cleared his plate and disappeared into a room just off the living room. Probably his study. I followed Marco upstairs. 

I lay on my side on the bed, pulling my knees up to my chest, and watched Marco reach for the phone. I saw my letter lying unopened on his desk. He hesitated and finally put the phone back and picked up the letter. He stared at his name on the front and got up to come sit on the bed. I didn't move in time and he ended up sitting _through_ me. He and I simultaneously shuddered, him from feeling me pass through him, and me from the utter creepiness of it. 

Anyhow, I sat next to him and peeked over his shoulder at the letter. He tore it open and began reading. 

**Chapter Ten - Marco**

I was surprised when Kate left me a letter. I mean, we'd known each other, but not that well. I'm not that close to Ax or Cassie, and they'd been her best friends in the group. Anyway, I unfolded the letter and started reading, some part of my brain wishing that my mom had been able to leave me something like this. But when you're Visser One, you don't exactly have time to write home. 

I shook my head to clear my thoughts and began reading. 

_Dear Marco, _

We regret to inform you that your phone bill is overdue and we will soon be disconnecting your service. We hope that this does not inconvenience you, and when you are once more in a position to select a phone company, please remember to chose AT&T. 

Sorry, just a joke back from our first little group phone call. Remember? You called and, "Hello, this is AT&T . . ." 

Okay, that was stupid. But it's 4 AM and I'm feeling a little goofy. I've been too serious for too long. 

Anyhow, hello from a big poofy cloud somewhere! 

Just kidding. Well, not totally. If you're reading this, I don't know where I am, but I'm sure I'm happy. So don't worry about me. 

Now, I'm sitting here and thinking, "What shall I say to Marco?" You would know exactly what to say, but I'm not as gifted in that department, so I'm sort of at a loss for words. 

Ah. I have it. Always keep your sense of humor, Marco. Always. It won't always be easy, but you have the invaluable ability to lighten a situation and find humor where others can't. That has the unfortunate side-effect of throwing some people off, but with the lives you and the others lead, it will be very important. I know it. Don't ask me how, I just do. 

And trust your gut. You have good instincts. Go with them. (Although you were wrong about me.) If you think something is wrong, you're probably thinking it for a reason. 

And that is the advice that this ancient and wise sage has for you. 

Live long and prosper. 

May the Force be with you. 

So long, my friend. 

Love, Kate 

I folded the letter back up slowly and spoke. "You're wrong about one thing, Kate - I wasn't wrong about you. I liked you right from the start . . . but I had to be suspicious, 'cause of what happened before. But you . . . you would have been a great Animorph." I sat there for about five minutes, not doing anything, just sitting. 

Finally, I got up and called Erek. "Hey, Erek. What's up?" 

"Hello, Marco," the Chee said. Erek is part of a race called the Chee, androids created by the Pemalites. They have been programmed to be total pacifists, but they are excellent at espionage and bring us information from time to time. 

"So anything new?" I picked up the portable phone and crept down the stairs. I peeked in my father's study. He was hard at work on his computer, typing furiously. The phone lay untouched on the desk. Still, I sat on the stairs where I could see him, but he wouldn't be able to hear me. My dad is already half-deaf. 

"New?" 

"With the Sharing." 

"Well, we are expecting to have a few new full time members soon." 

"Oh, cool." Cool my . . . butt. 

"Yes, at Friday's meeting." 

"Hm. Anything else going on?" 

"Well, tonight we had a barbecue at one of the other members' house. Your friend Kate's parents were there." 

"They were?" 

"Yes, with two other people who appeared to be with them." 

"Are they becoming new members soon?" 

"Yes, on Friday. Due to their loss, we are allowing them to become full members much sooner than usual - you know, as a way to help them out." 

"Ah. That's nice." Yeah, right. "We might have to stop by. You know how much we love the Sharing's induction ceremonies." 

Erek let out a short laugh. "Yes, I know." 

"How are they doing?" I asked seriously. "Kate's parents, I mean." 

"They looked okay tonight, better than they did at the funeral." 

"You were at the funeral? We didn't see you." 

"Well, you looked rather distracted." 

"Yeah." 

"Um . . . Philip is pretty broken up, isn't he?" 

"Yeah, he and Kate had a . . . thing," I answered. 

"They did?" he said, sounding surprised for about the second time since I'd known him. 

"Yeah." 

"Oh. Give him my condolences." 

"I will. Thanks." 

"So I will see you at the induction ceremony?" 

"I don't know yet. Maybe." 

"Okay. It's at your school's gym. 8 o'clock." 

"Thanks." 

"No problem. 'Bye." 

"'Bye." I hung up and crept upstairs to call Jake, shivering slightly. _I need to turn the heat on._, I thought. 

**Chapter Eleven - Kate**

I was furious. "You're going to stop them, right?" I said, my face about two inches from Marco's. No response. I tried to grab his shoulders, but he only shivered and kept walking. "Oh, come on!" I shouted, throwing my arms out and looking upward. "Give me a break! Please!" 

I followed Marco up the stairs and into his room. I sat on his desk. "You guys can't let them get my parents," I said. I waved my hand in front of his face. "Hello!" He didn't even blink. _Damn!_ I thought. 

"Hi, is Jake there?" . . . "Thanks, Tom" . . . "Hey, Jake. So are we still on for Friday night? You know, the induction ceremony" . . . "We are? Great. We should get there about 7:30 if we want good seats" . . . "Okay, 'bye." He hung up. 

I paced. _Okay, the important thing is not to panic_, I told myself. 

Right. 

I sighed. If I could get to Jake's house I could . . . 

Nothing. I could do nothing. But Marco was heading downstairs to do the dishes and there was nothing more I could do here either. Maybe Jake hadn't opened his letter yet and I'd been with everyone else when they opened theirs so far. So I went through Marco's door, which was getting less exhausting, and toward Jake and Rachel's neighborhood. 

When I reached his street I slowed down. I knew he lived here, but I wasn't sure where. I finally spotted him through an upstairs window, sitting at his desk. I slipped through the front door and went upstairs. 

"Hey, Jake," I said cheerfully. There was no answer, of course. He was holding my letter, unopened in his hands. 

"Hi, Kate," he said suddenly and I almost jumped through the roof. "I don't know if you can hear me or not , but . . ." Darn. I thought for a second he could see me or hear me or _something._ He sighed and slowly opened my letter. 

**Chapter Twelve - Jake**

_Dear Jake, _

Hello, Prince Jake, Big Jake, O Fearless Leader. 

Well, I have a couple things to say to you, so here they are. (Sorry for the uncreative beginning, Jake, but I've written four of these things and it's getting harder. Plus, it's really late - or early, depending on how you look at it.) 

First of all, here's my advice to you as a leader. Don't be so busy taking care of everyone else that you forget to take care of you. Leadership is a great skill, one that will serve you well your whole life, but you still have to remember that you're part of the team, too. And you're no good to anyone if you allow yourself to become so run down you can't function. And don't forget how to have fun. The first time I saw you I saw a kind of an aura of heavy responsibility about you. You're still a kid - a kid who has to act like a general and make impossible decisions sometimes, but still a kid. 

And by the way. You have a great girl, one of the nicest people I ever met. Don't let her go. You hurt her, I will find a way to kick your butt. (Just kidding. But really, take care of each other. Everyone needs someone to turn to, even Fearless Leaders.) 

And those are my words of advice. That's everything I've learned in my fourteen years on this planet. I'm sad I didn't have time to learn more, and that I wasn't able to fight with you. I would have liked to - not in the way Rachel likes to, but I still would have liked to help save the world. 

Take care, my friend. 

Love, Kate 

I refolded the letter. Kate and I hadn't been real close - not as close as Cassie and she, and _definitely_ not as close as she and Ax. She was someone I would have enjoyed getting to know better, though, if we'd had the time. As I sat there, thinking about everything, I suddenly realized that that made me sort of depressed. I mean, Kate was gone and that was sad, but I was suddenly sad for me, too. I think she was probably a great person, and I would never have the chance to really know her. And that was my loss. 

Ax was lucky. He probably didn't realize it now, but he was incredibly lucky to have gotten the chance to know and love Kate, even though it was causing him pain. 

But right now we had a problem. Kate's parents were being made full members of the Sharing on Friday, meaning they'd become Controllers. We had to stop that from happening without letting them know _why_ we targeted that particular meeting. 

I sighed. "Kate, we'll do everything we can to help your parents," I said out loud, not really sure why I was talking to her. "But we can't blow our cover. We can't let them know who we are." 

**Chapter Thirteen - Kate**

"NO!" I shouted. "You guys can't let them get my parents! C'mon, please!" But Jake didn't answer and I suddenly realized something: they wouldn't be able to do anything. They couldn't break up the Sharing meeting without blowing their cover, and even if they could, it would only be temporary. As long as my parents wanted to become members, it would eventually happen. 

But what if they didn't want it any more? 

What if they decided not to become members? What if they were _told_ not to become members? 

It was like one of those cartoons where Bugs or Sylvester suddenly gets an idea and _ping!_ The little light goes on over their head. I stood in the middle of Jake's room, watching him reluctantly pull his math book out of his backpack and . . . _ping!_

I knew exactly what had to be done. 

I practically flew down the stairs, through the front door and out into the night air, which probably would have been chilly had I been able to feel it. I moved as fast as I could to my parents' house and slipped in through the door. By now, it didn't even faze me except for a vague wave of creepiness. 

I went into the living room. Empty, but I could hear voices in the dining room. I checked the clock as I walked through the front hallway. Ten o'clock almost. 

I surveyed the dining room. My grandmother and aunt were there with my parents, having coffee and playing Scrabble, probably trying to pretend things were normal, like I was simply at a sleep-over or something. My usual seat was empty, so I sat in it and leaned over to peer at the little wooden pieces in front of my father. 

A. C. H. T. B. He studied them. 

"Tab. Hat. Cab. Cat," I said. He finally settled on "hat." 

And so, for the next hour, I played Scrabble with my parents and my grandmother and my aunt. They couldn't see me or hear me, but I sat next to them and tried to pick out words and just generally feel like a normal kid and not a spirit in charge of saving her parents' freedom. 

My mother won. 

She always won. 

Some things never change. 

At 11 o'clock everyone started getting ready for bed. My aunt was sleeping on the hide-a-bed in the living room and she flopped into bed and flicked on the TV. "Oh, _Friends_!" I said, settling down next to her. It was one of the ones with Janice, Chandler's unbelievably annoying girlfriend, and for the next half hour I laughed until I thought I'd cry. Normal. Nice. Even when I was alive, I hadn't had normal in awhile. 

At 11:30 I said good-bye to my aunt. "Love you," I said, a little sadly, knowing it was probably the last time I would see her. I went upstairs and peaked into the guest room. My grandmother was reading, propped up in bed. I sat on the edge and looked at her. 

"Grandma," I whispered, starting to choke up. "I'm gonna miss you. I love you." I reached over and gave her a hug. She shivered and pulled the blankets tighter around her. 

That's what I was now. A chill in the air. 

I left her and went into my parents' room. My dad was in the bathroom and my mom was in bed. I sat next to her. She had my baby photo album on the bed and was paging through it, not crying but with a definite sadness to her face and the way she turned the pages. 

Suddenly she stopped and started laughing. "What?" I asked indignantly. "I wasn't _that_ ugly!" I looked at the page she was on and saw why she was laughing. 

Me, at my grandparents' house, after having finger-painted the bathroom with purple shampoo. I was about two, and I'd sneaked off, causing everyone, especially my mother, to panic. They finally found me, sitting in the bathtub, happy as a clam, but in the picture I look sorta worried. A worried two year-old is very cute. 

I laughed with her. The next page were all hideously embarrassing naked pictures, which I tried to encourage her to skip over, but you know mothers. Everything is cute. (And she couldn't hear me anyway.) 

So I sat next to her until my father came in and lay down. It was midnight by this time, so they turned off the light and I watched my mother sort of cuddle up next to him. Funny, when I was alive, anytime I saw my parents kiss in front of me, I automatically said, "Ewww." But now, I somehow knew that this was the last time we'd be together as a family for a long time. And it didn't seem gross at all. 

I waited until they'd both fallen asleep. I wasn't quite sure how to go about this, but I had an idea of what was involved. I went over and gently lay one of my hands on both their foreheads and concentrated, picturing the three of us together. 

And suddenly I wasn't in the dark bedroom watching them sleep. I was in the same white, empty place I'd been in when I first "woke up" after I died - or at least a very similar place. 

And my parents weren't asleep, they were facing me. 

"Katy?" my mom whispered. 

"It's me," I said, giving her a hug. 

"What's going on?" my dad asked, pulling me close and ruffling my hair. 

"Going on?" I replied. "Can't a friendly spirit enter her parents' dreams just to chat?" They looked at me. "Okay, here's the thing. I have to warn you about something." 

"Warn us? What is this, _Ghost_?" my dad asked, smiling. 

"Pretty close," I muttered, not returning the smile. 

"Why?" my mom asked. 

I looked at them seriously. "Do not become full members of the Sharing." 

My dad looked confused. "Why not? They've been wonderful to us." 

I shook my head. "I can't tell you. It'd be dangerous for you to know. But you need to get away from it, far away." 

"Why?" my mother asked again. 

"I'm sorry. I wish I could tell you, but I can't. Someday you'll know why. Promise me you'll call Mr. Chapman tomorrow and tell him you've changed your minds." 

"Yes," my mother finally promised, sounding bewildered. 

"I'm sorry," I apologized. "Someday you'll understand." 

We stood there, just looking at each other for a minute. Then my mom finally asked the question I knew she was going to ask: "Katy . . . are you happy?" 

"Yes," I answered with a smile. "Yes. I'm happy." 

My parents smiled. They'd be able to heal now, knowing I was safe and happy. 

"I'm going to let you guys go," I said. "I don't know how much of this you will remember, but please do as I've asked. It is very important." 

"We will," my dad said. 

I hugged each of them. "Good-bye," I whispered. "I'll be watching over you." 

"Love you," my mom murmured in my ear. 

"I love you, too," I said. "And I love you, too, Daddy." I hadn't called him "Daddy" in years. I hugged him. 

"I love you," he answered, his voice rough. 

I stepped back and broke the spell, bringing us back to my parents' bedroom, with me standing over them. They both woke up and looked at each other. "I'll call Chapman in the morning," he said. She nodded, leaned back, and closed her eyes, a slight smile on her face. 

"My work here is done," I said, laughing a little through the tears that were leaking from my eyes. "Good-bye, you two." I left, pausing at the doorway for one last look at them. They would be fine. My job now was to deal with the last person who wasn't fine: Aximili. 

**Chapter Fourteen -- Kate**

I spent the night in Aximili's scoop again, watching him sleep. Or, actually, watching him doze and Tobias sleep. I wanted to repeat the dream thing with him, but I found that after going through so many walls and causing my parents' dream, I was exhausted. Apparently, that took energy, so I was going to have to wait until tomorrow night. 

The next day, Jake called a meeting at Aximili's scoop instead of the barn. Probably because that would mean Aximili would be forced to attend without them having to risk Marco morphing gorilla in broad daylight again. Whatever the reason, when they gathered at his scoop, I saw that Cassie was carrying my Rosary and the two remaining letters. 

^So what's going on?^ Tobias asked. 

"Well, it looks as if the problem of Kate's parents joining the Sharing has been solved for us. The induction ceremony was called off." 

"Why?" Cassie asked. "I mean, that's great, but why?" 

Jake shrugged. "Ask Marco. He talked to Erek. I found out from Tom, because I happened to be in the room when he took the call from Chapman, but Marco probably got more details." 

"Yeah, Erek said that they'd just decided not to become full members. And they're thinking about moving." 

"Moving?" I said, relieved. That would get them away from the Yeerks. _Yes, move, move!_ I thought happily. 

"Oh," Cassie said. She looked at Marco. "Did he say _why_ they'd decided not to become full members?" 

"Nope." 

She looked thoughtful. "This is going to sound silly, but do you think . . .do you think Kate had something to do with it?" 

No one laughed. 

Rachel said, "Do you think it's possible?" 

^No,^ Aximili replied shortly. 

^_Yes_,^ Tobias said. ^Anything is possible.^ 

They were silent for awhile. Finally Cassie cleared her throat and said, "Um, Ax, Tobias, I have your letters. And the Rosary." 

^As I have already stated, I do not wish to possess that necklace,^ Aximili insisted. 

"Well, Kate _did_ wish for you to possess it, so I'm leaving it here." She laid it carefully next to his TV.. 

The others left soon after and it was just Tobias, Aximili, and me. Tobias morphed to human and picked up his letter. "I'll be back in a little while, 'kay, Ax-man?" 

^Yes, Tobias,^ he said tiredly. 

I followed Tobias as he took his letter over to his meadow and sat on a flat rock in the sun. 

**Chapter Fifteen - Tobias**

Before I opened my letter, I looked up into the sky. It was completely blue, no clouds, and I wondered if I would see a falcon soaring overhead. But to my disappointment, there wasn't one. I sighed and tore open the envelope. 

_Dear Tobias, _

Well, if you're reading this, I'm . . . somewhere other than on Earth. And I'll miss you guys, but that's really okay. I'm not scared anymore. But I have a couple things to say to each of you, so I'm putting them in these letters. Because "There never seems to be enough time to do things you wanna do . . ." and the same is true with stuff you want to say, so here it is. Everything I want to say to you, but probably won't get the chance to. 

First of all, hang on to Rachel. She'll drive you crazy at times, but you two need each other. And when this war is over, you'll need each other even more because you two will be the most changed by it. Just hang in there. 

Second thing: Look to tomorrow when it comes time for you to make your big decision. Think, "Am I going to be happy tomorrow if I make this choice? Or am I going to regret it when I wake up in the morning?" Hindsight is always 20/20, but you rarely have the opportunity to take advantage of it. Don't make a rash decision. 

And don't second-guess the decisions you've made already. Rachel probably wants you to become a human and stay one. But you can't, and you know why you can't. So don't. As I said, if you did, the next morning when you woke up, you'd regret it. And you'd resent Rachel for it. At least, that's my prediction. You don't get the thrill rush that Rachel does from fighting, but you fight for other reasons, and you can't abandon those. 

My last point is a request. Please take care of Aximili for me. I know you would anyway, but he's really going to need someone to help him out after I'm gone. Don't let him give up. 

And that's it. It's pretty late (or early), but I had to write these. I don't know why. I hope you never read this. 

But, just in case, here's something to leave you with. 

"Someday we'll find it, The Rainbow Connection, The lovers, the dreamers, And me." 

Always dream. 

Love, Kate 

I put the letter down and blinked away the tears. _Oh, Kate I wish you were here_, I thought, thinking about Ax back at his scoop, still mourning her. I looked up again, and this time, I saw a falcon glide high overhead. "Tseeeeeer!" it cried. I smiled. Falcons are usually a pain in the tail feathers, but on that day, the sight of that falcon made me happier than I'd been in months. 

_Everything's going to be okay_, I thought, suddenly certain of it.. 

**Chapter Sixteen - Ax**

I spent the rest of the day as I had all the days since Katherine died: doing nothing. The thought of eating made me feel ill, and I could not sleep, because she filled all of my dreams. "You can't just curl up and die," Cassie had admonished me. _Why not?_ I had wondered. 

Tobias returned from reading his letter and prodded me out of my scoop and down to the stream. "You really have to stop this, Ax," he said wearily. 

^Why are you under the impression that this is something I control? I do not. And I cannot "stop this."^ 

"Ax . . . Look, morph to human. We'll go to the mall, I'll buy you a Cinnabon." 

I shook my head. ^I'm sorry, Tobias.^ 

He sighed. "Ax, c'mon, you can't just give up like this." 

I pulled my hoof out of the stream where I had been drinking and shook my head again. 

"Okay," he gave in reluctantly. 

That night I settled myself in my scoop. I expected another night of restless sleep, but I suppose that after five nights of very little rest, exhaustion simply overwhelmed me and I fell asleep almost immediately. 

Once more, I dreamt of her. But this time, it was different. Very different. The dreams weren't memories as the others had been. She and I were in an empty space, just us. She was dressed in the same artificial skin she had been wearing in the casket at the funeral, and though much artificial skin looks ridiculous on humans, she looked very beautiful. 

"Hi, Aximili," she said. 

^Katherine,^ I managed. 

"Surprise!" she said with a smile. 

^Is this real?^ I asked. 

"Yes. Very, very real. You see, I've spent the last couple days with you guys. A little time with Jake, some with Cassie and Rachel, etc, etc. And I've been with you." 

^How?^ 

"I don't know. You couldn't see me, but I was there. And I'm here now. And I have something to tell you." 

^What?^ 

"I'm fine. I'm no longer alive, but I still exist, my soul exists. And you have to stop trying to kill yourself." 

^I am not - ^ I began, but she held her hand up and crossed to me, taking my hand in hers. 

"I love you, Aximili. I love you and I want you to be happy and well. But if you continue the way you are, you won't be." 

^How can I be happy without you?^ I asked bitterly. ^How? I am alone now. How can I be happy?^ 

"You're not alone. You have five wonderful friends who would be more than willing to help you get through this, help you heal, if you'd only let them. Tobias has been bending over backward to help you. Cassie, too. But you won't let them." 

^I'm still in love with you. I cannot let you go.^ 

"But you have to, Aximili. I'm not alive anymore. And I don't want you to forget me, but you have to let me go . . . for your sake and mine." 

I was silent. Finally I said, ^I will always love you.^ 

"And I will always love you. But we both have to move on, you with your life and me to another place." 

^May I kiss you . . . one last time?" 

"Yes, I would like that a lot." 

I morphed to human and studied her face, her hair, and felt the way her hand gripped mine. I wanted to remember everything, because I knew it was last time I would see her in this way. "I will never see you again," I said, finally voicing my greatest fear. 

"That's not true," she replied. "You will. I'm allowed to visit you in your dreams. And we _will_ be together again. But hopefully it will be years from now." I nodded. 

I stared at her beautiful, brown eyes and slowly moved my mouth closer to hers. Our lips touched and electricity flowed through me. 

Our first kiss lasted only an instant. Our last seemed to stretch for an eternity, during which time stopped. When we finally parted, we held each other for a long while. At last, she let go and stepped away. "I'm going to have to leave you soon." 

"No, no!" I whispered desperately. I didn't ever want to leave her. I could have stayed there in that white space forever and been happy. 

"Yes. It's time for both of us to let go." I managed to nod. 

"Good-bye, Aximili." 

"Good-bye, Katherine," I choked. 

She stepped away, squeezing my hand until she could not reach it any longer. 

"I'll see you in your dreams." 

**Chapter Seventeen - Ax**

I awoke in my scoop. Outside, I could see that dawn had already broken. 

^Did you sleep well?^ Tobias asked, sounding surprised. 

^Yes, I did.^ The dream of Katherine was very vivid and alive in my mind. 

^Maybe now that you aren't so tired you'll start feeling better.^ 

^Perhaps.^ I spied her letter and the Rosary lying on the floor of my scoop. ^Tobias . . . would you mind if I read Katherine's letter in private?^ 

^Of course not,^ he replied. ^See you later, Ax.^ He flew off. 

I looked at the envelope. On the front, it was marked _Philip_, the human name I often use when I am with my friends. I opened the letter and removed the paper enclosed in the envelope. 

_Dear Aximili, _

How can I say good-bye to you? The other letters came so easily, but what do I say to you, the person who has come to mean as much to me as my family? 

I guess, most importantly, I love you. You are the first and only guy I have ever loved. You are wonderful. Not many guys would have done what you did while I was sick. Someday, you will make some lucky girl, whether human or Andalite, very happy. And I wish you luck in every way. 

Secondly, I have it on good faith that wherever I am, I am happy. So I want you to be happy, too. I know you'll be sad for awhile, and I'm not going to tell you not to be. I'm sad, too. Sad that I never got to do the things I wanted to do, and sad that we didn't have enough time together. But, c'est la vie. Some things we can't control. 

Next, something I want you to know that you probably do not. From my conversations with you and the others, I've managed to glean some information about your brother. I know he was a hero, and you looked up to him, thought he was great, and don't think you will ever live up to his legacy. Aximili, you are a hero as well. You may never be acknowledged for it, but you are as great as your brother was. And don't ever doubt that. Ever. 

And finally, thank you. Thank you for not being afraid of me, for not running away even when things got tough, for making me feel like I was special, and loved, and accepted. For being there and never leaving me alone. For being you. 

Someday we will be together again. I know it, and though you might not think it's true (I'll readily admit that it can't be scientifically proven), it will happen. So, until then . . . I'll continue loving you from someplace else, and watching over all of you. 

Love, always and forever, Katherine 

I lowered the letter and looked around my scoop in the early morning light. I picked the Rosary up and held it, running my fingers over the smooth wood. I turned my stalk eyes to face the outside, and spied a flurry of feathers. I turned my main eyes as well, assuming it was Tobias. 

But it was not. 

It was a peregrine falcon, such as the morph Prince Jake has. 

And the one Katherine had. 

As I watched, it flew away from where it must have been perched somewhere near my scoop. Strange that I hadn't heard it landing, or that Tobias had not noticed it. 

I watched it climb higher and higher, until it was only a dot in the sky. 

I smiled in the only way Andalites can, using our eyes. ^I'll see you in my dreams,^ I whispered. 


End file.
